Awake, I am awake,
and I'm still alive out here,
awake, I am awake
and I'm still alive out here,
blinded, by this light,
it is all that surrounds me.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come,
showing teeth, bearing fever, lost in open water,
until they find, finds us all, lost with all the shipwreck.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control. Am I too far gone to be saved,
lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone to be saved.
Lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone, too far gone to be saved.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again, we lost control,
and I lost control.
Monday 18 October 2010
It's been a while.
I Don't know where this is going to go, or what im really going to say, its been weeks since I,v written a blog, I guess I've been too busy, and pre-occupied, but not only have I been to busy to blog, but I've been to busy to talk to God and take notice of Him, and His work around me. God is AMAZING, but I often, well always (If I'm Honest) take Him for granted! I wish I had a God APP on my phone, then I could spend as much time as possible with Him.
At the Mo, I'm feeling like crap, and I have done for about a week, I get these killer head aches, sore throat, and fevers. People keep telling me i need to Slow down and start looking after myself, I'm always doing something, either working or running round for other people, I like helping people, If I can help, then I will, I can't just stand and watch people struggle, and everyone gets on my case about how i push myself too far, Is this ill health me deteriorating, God telling me to stop?.
as most of you know, I play in a band called Early to the vineyard, I love to play with the guys, they are a great bunch of people who are always there to help me or pray with me and generally look out for me. these guys mean so much to me, we've been together for just under a year, and what a year its been. we've had loads of ups and a few downs, but its been great, and i guess I just want to thank God for these Guys and for everything he's doing through us.
At the Mo, I'm feeling like crap, and I have done for about a week, I get these killer head aches, sore throat, and fevers. People keep telling me i need to Slow down and start looking after myself, I'm always doing something, either working or running round for other people, I like helping people, If I can help, then I will, I can't just stand and watch people struggle, and everyone gets on my case about how i push myself too far, Is this ill health me deteriorating, God telling me to stop?.
as most of you know, I play in a band called Early to the vineyard, I love to play with the guys, they are a great bunch of people who are always there to help me or pray with me and generally look out for me. these guys mean so much to me, we've been together for just under a year, and what a year its been. we've had loads of ups and a few downs, but its been great, and i guess I just want to thank God for these Guys and for everything he's doing through us.
Monday 30 August 2010
mono
If time can break us down
And not keep us around
I wont wait
I wont mind
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk hole
And now we're not the same
I'm running past the words
To finish up the faults
Cant come back
I wont wait
Wont live like that
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
And now we're not the same
I'll find myself once more again
I've started up this race
I'll find myself once more again
It's something I cant change
And now we're not the same
I cant help by myself again
And not keep us around
I wont wait
I wont mind
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk hole
And now we're not the same
I'm running past the words
To finish up the faults
Cant come back
I wont wait
Wont live like that
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
And now we're not the same
I'll find myself once more again
I've started up this race
I'll find myself once more again
It's something I cant change
And now we're not the same
I cant help by myself again
Saturday 28 August 2010
It must be the music?
Why do I seem to look for God in the wrong places?. I push him to the side when I feel I don't need him, when in reality I need him all the time. When things are looking up I get carried away, get too caught up in my own little world, a world where I dont need to count on him, But who am I kidding?, of course I need him, Things only go right, when he has his hand in them. I'm ashamed of my self, I really am. I can't remember the last time I sat down and prayed, or even said thank you to Him for the amazing things that are happening.
As many of you know I'm in a band, and in the last few weeks we havehad some amazing oppertunities thrown our way, we were able to enter a talent contest on sky 1, called 'must be the music'. It was a great opertunity for us, especialy as we only started the band last december. We were Invited to Audition in Manchester, so we packed our gear and headed to manchester in mike's 'Bat-mobile', it was a great day, we played one of our songs called 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship'. and we performed really well, well enough to be invited to a further interview,to talk about ourselves and the band.
The interview was great, We were able to talk about the band and our roots and our faith and how we put all these together, to write songs, play songs, and perform together. We were interegated about our faith and questioned about how we relflect God within the band, as a member of early to the vineyard, we don't play for our own satisfaction, we play for God, we give every moment of every song to God, and we pray that he will use us to share his love with others, we play to save.
some weeks later we recieved news that we had made it to the nex stage, To perform at the Hackney Empire, in fromt of three judges, Dizzee Rascal, Jamie Cullam, and some bird. We left Nottingham at 2.30 in the morning, having to be at the empire for 7.30. The drive Down was awesome, a great laugh, and then with a couple of train and a tube ride later we were stod outside a massive venue, nervouse and excited!. we couldn't wait to get in! after a wait around we were asked to sound check, and wow what a stage it was a massive drum kit, lights and curtains and wires everywhere!, sound check how ever didnt go too well, we couldn't hear each other and it was a bit disheartning, but back in theholding room we had a chance to calm down take it easy and have a few words with the big man upstairs. waiting to be called up. after what seemed like ages we werecalled up and taken on the walk of shame, in a maze of corridors and rooms, we went backstage, readyto go and rock for God.
We were sent onstage, and played our hearts out, and well done to Josh for scaring the bejesus out of dizzee rascal, after the song we were asked to face the judges, where they would tell us if they likes us and if we made it to the next stage. which we didn't. sadly. Dizzee asked Josh the message of the song, 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship' to which Josh replied, 'sometimes people place their hope in worldly things, but we blieve if you place your heart and hope in Gods hands, he will never let you down' to whichabout 15 people through out the crowd stood and applauded. wich for me mde it woth while, yea we didn't make it but some people saw God in us and supported us! it was an immense moment!
We made the center pages of the Sun newpaper the other week, 'a Christian band scare the bejesus out of Dizzee Rascal, and the following day we were shown on the show. it did't look to well, but i was still proud to have got that far, with three great guys, and eversince we have recieved so much loveand encouragement from random people, I'v even been spotted on the street. its amazing and I'm so thankfull to God for giving me this opertunity!
As many of you know I'm in a band, and in the last few weeks we havehad some amazing oppertunities thrown our way, we were able to enter a talent contest on sky 1, called 'must be the music'. It was a great opertunity for us, especialy as we only started the band last december. We were Invited to Audition in Manchester, so we packed our gear and headed to manchester in mike's 'Bat-mobile', it was a great day, we played one of our songs called 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship'. and we performed really well, well enough to be invited to a further interview,to talk about ourselves and the band.
The interview was great, We were able to talk about the band and our roots and our faith and how we put all these together, to write songs, play songs, and perform together. We were interegated about our faith and questioned about how we relflect God within the band, as a member of early to the vineyard, we don't play for our own satisfaction, we play for God, we give every moment of every song to God, and we pray that he will use us to share his love with others, we play to save.
some weeks later we recieved news that we had made it to the nex stage, To perform at the Hackney Empire, in fromt of three judges, Dizzee Rascal, Jamie Cullam, and some bird. We left Nottingham at 2.30 in the morning, having to be at the empire for 7.30. The drive Down was awesome, a great laugh, and then with a couple of train and a tube ride later we were stod outside a massive venue, nervouse and excited!. we couldn't wait to get in! after a wait around we were asked to sound check, and wow what a stage it was a massive drum kit, lights and curtains and wires everywhere!, sound check how ever didnt go too well, we couldn't hear each other and it was a bit disheartning, but back in theholding room we had a chance to calm down take it easy and have a few words with the big man upstairs. waiting to be called up. after what seemed like ages we werecalled up and taken on the walk of shame, in a maze of corridors and rooms, we went backstage, readyto go and rock for God.
We were sent onstage, and played our hearts out, and well done to Josh for scaring the bejesus out of dizzee rascal, after the song we were asked to face the judges, where they would tell us if they likes us and if we made it to the next stage. which we didn't. sadly. Dizzee asked Josh the message of the song, 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship' to which Josh replied, 'sometimes people place their hope in worldly things, but we blieve if you place your heart and hope in Gods hands, he will never let you down' to whichabout 15 people through out the crowd stood and applauded. wich for me mde it woth while, yea we didn't make it but some people saw God in us and supported us! it was an immense moment!
We made the center pages of the Sun newpaper the other week, 'a Christian band scare the bejesus out of Dizzee Rascal, and the following day we were shown on the show. it did't look to well, but i was still proud to have got that far, with three great guys, and eversince we have recieved so much loveand encouragement from random people, I'v even been spotted on the street. its amazing and I'm so thankfull to God for giving me this opertunity!
Tuesday 25 May 2010
Wednesday 5 May 2010
How did it come to this?
I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been really busy and distracted, I'm not sure where to start this one, or where it's going to head. I guess I'm pretty happy, life seems to be serving me well at the mo, doors are opening, and I'm making steps forward in life. But for some reason, I feel incomplete, lost, missing. I can't place my hand on what it is, I know I've mentioned this before but I'm feeling distant from God, he seems like a ghostly figure in my head. how can i close this gap?
just lately the only time I feel close to God is when I'm playing drums in the band, great things are happening with us, we seem to have all these opportunities coming up, the chance to play to different people, and I can't thank God more for doing this, we Know that as a band without him, none of this would be happening, not off our own backs. I want to praise the lord through my drumming, thank him for the skill he has given me! being in the band enviroment is great, we can talk openly about our life, our spiritual life and anything, we pray for each other and when were together we seem to be able to create such a close environment, that draws you to God, but as soon as band practice has finished that's it. No matter how much I try, I can't draw myself to God.
I know I have to have patience when it comes to this, but I seem to be wearing myself a bit thin. I beat myself up over it, I've dug myself a big hole and can't find a way out. I just can't figure out how it came to this.
just lately the only time I feel close to God is when I'm playing drums in the band, great things are happening with us, we seem to have all these opportunities coming up, the chance to play to different people, and I can't thank God more for doing this, we Know that as a band without him, none of this would be happening, not off our own backs. I want to praise the lord through my drumming, thank him for the skill he has given me! being in the band enviroment is great, we can talk openly about our life, our spiritual life and anything, we pray for each other and when were together we seem to be able to create such a close environment, that draws you to God, but as soon as band practice has finished that's it. No matter how much I try, I can't draw myself to God.
I know I have to have patience when it comes to this, but I seem to be wearing myself a bit thin. I beat myself up over it, I've dug myself a big hole and can't find a way out. I just can't figure out how it came to this.
Tuesday 20 April 2010
In The Middle
I meant it all and every part
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
'Cause you know you broke the hardest part
You know you broke the hardest heart
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all
Fifteen years old in a sea of blank faces
Swimming bold against a stream that's mocking as it races
In these halls, mountain high under a tangerine sky
Crack a smile just to hide the race that's inside
Eighteen years old bags packed and a pass for the rail
One last look at the past as it drowns in the hail
One in a million, still I keep feeling you keep me from a fall
A world to lose coming back with you tall
Through it all
No parachutes or safety nets here
One foot in the water to face these fears
Coming out strong like I can't be wrong
I said eh, I won't fall in the middle
Twenty five here I am with freshman LPs
One life to write one, two years to repeat
Behind a curtain, uncertain if an encore's in store
Tuck my shoulder like a soldier to knock down the door
Thirty something here I am running with kisses for one girl
These scars upon my sleeve still casting out my pearls
Throw each stone microphone like it's my last turn
With a kiss to the abyss and watch the ripples return
Through it all
And I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you by my side
And I said I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you through this fight
Through it all
I meant it all and every part
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
'Cause you know you broke the hardest part
You know you broke the hardest heart
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all
Fifteen years old in a sea of blank faces
Swimming bold against a stream that's mocking as it races
In these halls, mountain high under a tangerine sky
Crack a smile just to hide the race that's inside
Eighteen years old bags packed and a pass for the rail
One last look at the past as it drowns in the hail
One in a million, still I keep feeling you keep me from a fall
A world to lose coming back with you tall
Through it all
No parachutes or safety nets here
One foot in the water to face these fears
Coming out strong like I can't be wrong
I said eh, I won't fall in the middle
Twenty five here I am with freshman LPs
One life to write one, two years to repeat
Behind a curtain, uncertain if an encore's in store
Tuck my shoulder like a soldier to knock down the door
Thirty something here I am running with kisses for one girl
These scars upon my sleeve still casting out my pearls
Throw each stone microphone like it's my last turn
With a kiss to the abyss and watch the ripples return
Through it all
And I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you by my side
And I said I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you through this fight
Through it all
I meant it all and every part
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all
Monday 19 April 2010
"I'm So Sick"
I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound
You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound
You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick
Wednesday 14 April 2010
"All Around Me"
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
Monday 12 April 2010
I see only cancer, My eyes turning red
Wow, It's been such a long time, since I last posted. I must get back into this. Alot seems to be going off in my life, and I find it so easy to loose myself in whats going off around me, and getting too caught up in all the grinds of day to day life. Life can really overwhelm you, blocking your vision, giuding, or should I say 'pulling you'? in wrong directions. Sometimes its hard to see where we shoild be heading, or what we shoud be doing, we loose track of our faith or put God to one side, thinking we can get by with it. but we know we can't.
I've just been talking to a good Friend Lou, who I've known for years, well since i was born. she was telling me about her best friend, who is dieing of cancer. Lou and her husband went down to somerset on Saturday, to see her friend, and it was to say their final goodbyes. I can't begin to imagine how hard that must have been for both of them!. I don't think i could have done it. But Lou told me that her friend is feeling comfortable, and is at peace knowing Jesus is waiting for her! WOW, That's faith! I know if it was me, I'd be scared. even though I believe in God, with a passion, I still don't think, i could go through such a situation with the same mentality!
The idea of having blurred or tampered vision is something that playing on my heart at the mo, it started when I meet up with Josh from the band to plan a music workshop we were to be doing. In the band we have a song called dead ends and trapdoors. I had played the song in the band, numerous times, and had heard the lyrics, but it wasn't until me and josh spook about tthe song that i acctualy notticed the meaning, one like that stands out to me is
'I see only cancer, my eyes turning red.'
The Vision of having a blocked vision, seeing red, anger, or danger! not being able to see the true picture/image. The cancer causing my eyes to see red! the cancer being anything that draws me away from God. I need to resolve this, focus on God, Give back to him what is his! restore my vision! see the bigger picture! clear the crap! climb out of the ditch and view the whole world! in my true Vision, in Gods vision!
I've just been talking to a good Friend Lou, who I've known for years, well since i was born. she was telling me about her best friend, who is dieing of cancer. Lou and her husband went down to somerset on Saturday, to see her friend, and it was to say their final goodbyes. I can't begin to imagine how hard that must have been for both of them!. I don't think i could have done it. But Lou told me that her friend is feeling comfortable, and is at peace knowing Jesus is waiting for her! WOW, That's faith! I know if it was me, I'd be scared. even though I believe in God, with a passion, I still don't think, i could go through such a situation with the same mentality!
The idea of having blurred or tampered vision is something that playing on my heart at the mo, it started when I meet up with Josh from the band to plan a music workshop we were to be doing. In the band we have a song called dead ends and trapdoors. I had played the song in the band, numerous times, and had heard the lyrics, but it wasn't until me and josh spook about tthe song that i acctualy notticed the meaning, one like that stands out to me is
'I see only cancer, my eyes turning red.'
The Vision of having a blocked vision, seeing red, anger, or danger! not being able to see the true picture/image. The cancer causing my eyes to see red! the cancer being anything that draws me away from God. I need to resolve this, focus on God, Give back to him what is his! restore my vision! see the bigger picture! clear the crap! climb out of the ditch and view the whole world! in my true Vision, in Gods vision!
Monday 22 March 2010
Turning my back
I can't take this anymore, Ever since my family stopped going to the Salvo, I'v kept on going, I took a few weeks away from it, but I missed everything about it, my friends, the atmosphere, the worship. I didn't feel right without it, is it weird? I've grown up in this church and I don't know any different. so I started to attend again.
But by going, I've been made to feel like I've betrayed my family in some way, and its really dragging me down, my parents seem to resent me for going, and question as to why I go?. its been really hard to show my face at church, without people getting on my back,
I may have made a really silly mistake but I've decided that I'm not going anymore just to please my family, I can't take the attitude against me any more, and if loosing something that means alot to me to make it go, then so be it!
Am I making the right choice? have I made a mistake? I know I'm not loosing any faith in God, but I'm loosing alot of other stuff. I'm going to miss the place, and the people, and I don't know how easy it will be to walk away.
this isn't something I've just decided to do, I've prayed about it for weeks, and still things seem unclear, I might be being impatient, but I'm thinking maybe taking action will make things clearer. I really hope so,
I'm really laying it out now, but I know God's got my back, like always and he will make his path clear when I'm ready.
But by going, I've been made to feel like I've betrayed my family in some way, and its really dragging me down, my parents seem to resent me for going, and question as to why I go?. its been really hard to show my face at church, without people getting on my back,
I may have made a really silly mistake but I've decided that I'm not going anymore just to please my family, I can't take the attitude against me any more, and if loosing something that means alot to me to make it go, then so be it!
Am I making the right choice? have I made a mistake? I know I'm not loosing any faith in God, but I'm loosing alot of other stuff. I'm going to miss the place, and the people, and I don't know how easy it will be to walk away.
this isn't something I've just decided to do, I've prayed about it for weeks, and still things seem unclear, I might be being impatient, but I'm thinking maybe taking action will make things clearer. I really hope so,
I'm really laying it out now, but I know God's got my back, like always and he will make his path clear when I'm ready.
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Hectic.
The last few day, well weeks, have been pretty manic, alot is going off around me, I seem to be experiencing some awesome feelings. towards God, and my friends. Its amazing. I haven't felt so happy and content in a long while. It really shocks me to think of my old out look on life only a few weeks ago. but things are changing, and its epic.
Also, I have had a couple of sadder days in the last week, on Friday i managed to TRASH my beloved Van 'Bessie' in to a land rover, and wrote her off. I was so sad i shed a tear for her. Its sad to say but Bess and I had had some good times, and now im lost without her, I feel Trapped and very annoyed with myself. it sucks having no transport.
but on the better side, work is crazy, I have that much on I don't know where to turn! Its awesome to have work, but now all I seem to be doing is working, and without my Bess, its even harder.... must buy a new van.
well that was a short insight to my going ons lately, hmm feels good to have finally written another blog.
Also, I have had a couple of sadder days in the last week, on Friday i managed to TRASH my beloved Van 'Bessie' in to a land rover, and wrote her off. I was so sad i shed a tear for her. Its sad to say but Bess and I had had some good times, and now im lost without her, I feel Trapped and very annoyed with myself. it sucks having no transport.
but on the better side, work is crazy, I have that much on I don't know where to turn! Its awesome to have work, but now all I seem to be doing is working, and without my Bess, its even harder.... must buy a new van.
well that was a short insight to my going ons lately, hmm feels good to have finally written another blog.
Saturday 27 February 2010
Distant and Distracted
I'm sorry it's been so long since my last blogy thing, but, I've been a bit distracted and busy. Alot has been going off lately, some awesome things have happened, and some not so good things. I'm feeling very content with life, but at the same time very distant. It's hard to explain, how I feel. one of the main things thats changed is that I'm no longer single, this is awesome for me. Also work has picked up again YAY, back to waking up at 5.30 and leaving the house at stupid O'clock for work and getting back t silly times of the evening, It has really took me by surprise, having had little or no work for weeks, and now this, I don't know what way to turn, but I love it!
The only thing is, with all this going off in my life, I really do feel like I'm getting very distant and distracted from other things that i should be putting effort into, or giving attention. I'm scared in case I forget something, leave it behind, or loose my self, like I have before. I have this thing, where I put ALL my care and effort in to someting new, and really neglecting something else and I don't want this to happen, but It seems too easy for me to do it. then when everything cools off or I get sometime to reflect, I realize what I've done, and sometimes, it's too late to do anything about it.
This is the first time in two weeks that I've found the time to write on here, I feel a bit bad, as I promised myself that this is something I'd keep on top of, as writing on here really helps me. but, Its also one of the things that I've been distracted from. OPPS. If I'm honest, the thing im really scared of is being distracted from God! and I can feel it happening, it's awful! I'm feeling relly ashamed about it, now I'm starting to feel I shouldn't be writing this now, I'm using some of my little personal time to write this rather than spending it with God.... arrggh, I really don't know how to do this, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain, I know, loving God shouldn't be a chore, or make you feel bad, but I can't shake this feeling. The feeling as tho I'm pushing him to one side.
I've done it too many times, putting God second in life, or even third or fourth, but when the crap hits the fan, who do I turn to? Hmmm... maybe i should learn from this, but I never seem too. Nothing should knock God from his number 1 spot. nothing! but somehow, even though I know this I still manage to do it.
Luckily God's got my back, so when things don't go my way, I know i can turn to him, and He wont have judged me or tell me how he had told me so! God is great, I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me! and for everything he will do for me! But I've got to learn to put HIM FIRST.
The only thing is, with all this going off in my life, I really do feel like I'm getting very distant and distracted from other things that i should be putting effort into, or giving attention. I'm scared in case I forget something, leave it behind, or loose my self, like I have before. I have this thing, where I put ALL my care and effort in to someting new, and really neglecting something else and I don't want this to happen, but It seems too easy for me to do it. then when everything cools off or I get sometime to reflect, I realize what I've done, and sometimes, it's too late to do anything about it.
This is the first time in two weeks that I've found the time to write on here, I feel a bit bad, as I promised myself that this is something I'd keep on top of, as writing on here really helps me. but, Its also one of the things that I've been distracted from. OPPS. If I'm honest, the thing im really scared of is being distracted from God! and I can feel it happening, it's awful! I'm feeling relly ashamed about it, now I'm starting to feel I shouldn't be writing this now, I'm using some of my little personal time to write this rather than spending it with God.... arrggh, I really don't know how to do this, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain, I know, loving God shouldn't be a chore, or make you feel bad, but I can't shake this feeling. The feeling as tho I'm pushing him to one side.
I've done it too many times, putting God second in life, or even third or fourth, but when the crap hits the fan, who do I turn to? Hmmm... maybe i should learn from this, but I never seem too. Nothing should knock God from his number 1 spot. nothing! but somehow, even though I know this I still manage to do it.
Luckily God's got my back, so when things don't go my way, I know i can turn to him, and He wont have judged me or tell me how he had told me so! God is great, I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me! and for everything he will do for me! But I've got to learn to put HIM FIRST.
Sunday 14 February 2010
Do Not Judge!
Theres something thats really getting to me at the minute, and I can see that it's effecting my friends and family, After these last few weeks, I'v decided to take a step back to look at whats going on around me, rather than just jumping on the band wagon, and drawing up my own conclusions. I'm trying to look at the bigger picture! I'm trying to see God's plan in the situations that I come across.
I have this thing about people who, point something out about me, that might not be showing who I am. When the person pointing it out has issues themselves that they ignore. I'm more than happy to listen to someone's advise, If there willing to see there own downfall.
Mathew 7
Do not judge, or you too may be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be used to you.
Why do you look at the speck of dust in you're Brothers eye?, When you pay no attension the plank in you're own eye? How can you say to you're Brother, 'let me take that speack out of you're eye' when all the time you have a plank in you're eye? You hypocrite, First take out the plank in you're eye,then you will see clearly to remove the dust from you're brothers eye.
(Thank You Abi and Caz!!!)
Its really easy to notice other peoples downfalls, and offer advice, but its not walays easy to see your own downfall. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want their views, or opinions, but I just feel that people should look deeply at themselves before making comments.
My other thing is, if you need help, advice, a prayer, a friend! just ask!!, I'm sure you're friends wouldn't judge you! I won't!. Don't try to go things alone, Friends are amazing! even if there not with you, they can still be there for you! even if their in Hull!! and remember to pray! it sounds selfish to pray for yourself, but its not! God is AWESOME! he will listen, he will not judge!
Spread The Love
I have this thing about people who, point something out about me, that might not be showing who I am. When the person pointing it out has issues themselves that they ignore. I'm more than happy to listen to someone's advise, If there willing to see there own downfall.
Mathew 7
Do not judge, or you too may be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be used to you.
Why do you look at the speck of dust in you're Brothers eye?, When you pay no attension the plank in you're own eye? How can you say to you're Brother, 'let me take that speack out of you're eye' when all the time you have a plank in you're eye? You hypocrite, First take out the plank in you're eye,then you will see clearly to remove the dust from you're brothers eye.
(Thank You Abi and Caz!!!)
Its really easy to notice other peoples downfalls, and offer advice, but its not walays easy to see your own downfall. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want their views, or opinions, but I just feel that people should look deeply at themselves before making comments.
My other thing is, if you need help, advice, a prayer, a friend! just ask!!, I'm sure you're friends wouldn't judge you! I won't!. Don't try to go things alone, Friends are amazing! even if there not with you, they can still be there for you! even if their in Hull!! and remember to pray! it sounds selfish to pray for yourself, but its not! God is AWESOME! he will listen, he will not judge!
Spread The Love
Wednesday 10 February 2010
Fallen Hero
Today has been great for me, I managed to look at the situations that are effecting Me, or My family in a different view. In the last few days I have been praying ALOT, for many reasons. My main area of prayer has been aimed towards my Dad and Mum. My dad has been really ill in the last few weeks, My Dad is one of my biggest heroes, he has been a great influence in many areas of my life, including my faith.
Seeing my Dad look so faint, and weak, has really tough, you never think that someone you thought was strong, could actually end up like this. I;m really ashamed of my self , as if I was at home when my dad was, I'd stay in my room to avoid facing him, or I'd stay away from the house, because, it just hurt so much, i feel so helpless, as i cant do anything for him, I feel like i have failed him, so i got scared and hid from it. I left my dad when he was in this time of need! how could I have done this? its not christian like? its not very son like?
I was sat in my room yesterday, talking to a friend, I was looking for someone to confide in, or someone to have sympathy on me, but he told me straight! he made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding, no matter what the problem is, I don't need to battle alone! i need to trust in God and offer my thoughts and worries to him.
I seem to have this thing, that when I get caught up in these situations or difficulty, I always feel im alone, I bottle it up, and hide it. until i get reminded that God is here! God is Great! God will help. but why do I forget this time and time again? I don't get it! but I'm so lucky that I have these friends who watch over me, and take me back to God, when they know I need that little push!!.
Seeing my Dad look so faint, and weak, has really tough, you never think that someone you thought was strong, could actually end up like this. I;m really ashamed of my self , as if I was at home when my dad was, I'd stay in my room to avoid facing him, or I'd stay away from the house, because, it just hurt so much, i feel so helpless, as i cant do anything for him, I feel like i have failed him, so i got scared and hid from it. I left my dad when he was in this time of need! how could I have done this? its not christian like? its not very son like?
I was sat in my room yesterday, talking to a friend, I was looking for someone to confide in, or someone to have sympathy on me, but he told me straight! he made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding, no matter what the problem is, I don't need to battle alone! i need to trust in God and offer my thoughts and worries to him.
I seem to have this thing, that when I get caught up in these situations or difficulty, I always feel im alone, I bottle it up, and hide it. until i get reminded that God is here! God is Great! God will help. but why do I forget this time and time again? I don't get it! but I'm so lucky that I have these friends who watch over me, and take me back to God, when they know I need that little push!!.
Monday 8 February 2010
Hope In Lost Cause's
How come, every time, anything good happens in my life, I get really excited about it and give it my all, just to be knocked back down again later??? just as things start to look up again, something is always waiting around the corner, to kick me while im down.
It seems whenever I do something, Either personally, spiritually, or Anything, I put all my hope in to it, hoping things will happen or unfold, hoping I will gain something from the situation, hoping things will stay like they are? it just seems that I put hope in lost cause's?. Then when things dont work out, or go as planned(wanted) or just collapses, I take it really badly, as tho its my fault or I'm a failure?. Is it just me? or do I have some sort of problem?
When things go wrong, I get dragged down by it, and get taken to this dark place, that if I'm honest, scares me! I start thinking of reasons why it may have happened, and I begin to hate myself, for being this failure, or for letting it happen, again. I become this monster that snaps, and runs. I cant control it, I cant help it, I get so worked up that it just takes over, and I become something that isn't me!. should I take it this badly?
After feeling angry with my self, I start to feel sorry for myself, sorry that I put such hope into something/ someone. time after time, it happens again and again. each time out of the dark seems to be short lived, and I know it wont be long before I'm back again.
I have to stop thinking that I'm alone in this, I get so wound up in all this that I put God to one side!! when really I should be using His strength in these situations, It's so easy to forget that God can/will help, when you get so caught up with yourself. I need to start putting all my hope and my attention in God! Give Him my hand, and let him guide me.
I don't know why I forget about God at times, But I'm so lucky that I have many good friends who can point me in the right direction, and remind me of His love for me, for us, for everyone, I might only be one person, but God knows me! he knows everything about me, so I need to stop placing all my hope in lost cause's and start trusting in God more as he will never fail me, or leave me!!
2 Corinthians ch 4 v 17 - 18
For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
It seems whenever I do something, Either personally, spiritually, or Anything, I put all my hope in to it, hoping things will happen or unfold, hoping I will gain something from the situation, hoping things will stay like they are? it just seems that I put hope in lost cause's?. Then when things dont work out, or go as planned(wanted) or just collapses, I take it really badly, as tho its my fault or I'm a failure?. Is it just me? or do I have some sort of problem?
When things go wrong, I get dragged down by it, and get taken to this dark place, that if I'm honest, scares me! I start thinking of reasons why it may have happened, and I begin to hate myself, for being this failure, or for letting it happen, again. I become this monster that snaps, and runs. I cant control it, I cant help it, I get so worked up that it just takes over, and I become something that isn't me!. should I take it this badly?
After feeling angry with my self, I start to feel sorry for myself, sorry that I put such hope into something/ someone. time after time, it happens again and again. each time out of the dark seems to be short lived, and I know it wont be long before I'm back again.
I have to stop thinking that I'm alone in this, I get so wound up in all this that I put God to one side!! when really I should be using His strength in these situations, It's so easy to forget that God can/will help, when you get so caught up with yourself. I need to start putting all my hope and my attention in God! Give Him my hand, and let him guide me.
I don't know why I forget about God at times, But I'm so lucky that I have many good friends who can point me in the right direction, and remind me of His love for me, for us, for everyone, I might only be one person, but God knows me! he knows everything about me, so I need to stop placing all my hope in lost cause's and start trusting in God more as he will never fail me, or leave me!!
2 Corinthians ch 4 v 17 - 18
For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Saturday 6 February 2010
for you're self?
I have just got back from a 9 hour worship stint, It was AMAZING,. A lady called Geraldine Latte led a worship workshop, about how to lead worship with music, She is an amazingly awesome person who has such a great deal of experience and knowledge to share with us. I can honestly say, that i have never thought about the way music can be used in a multitude of different worship situations. even in the worshop, we were still worshiping, it was truly immense.
there were loads of talented people there, from drummers, bassists, guitarists, singers, trumpeters.... the whole shebang, it was great to be surrounded by such talented people, but having spoke to many of them, i came to my attension that they were in worship groups for wrong reasons, for self achnolagement, to make them selves feel good. This really troubles me, as i play the drums, but a no point would i play for myself. God gave me the talent of being able to play the drums, so when ever i do play, i play for God, and give him my beats.
sometimes we make our talents more than they should be, we show off, or under use them, or even over use them and they get abused, but im a firm believer that God gave us these talents, so we should use these talents to praise him and worship him!!
'When the music fades and all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
King of endless worth, no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours
Every single breath'
there were loads of talented people there, from drummers, bassists, guitarists, singers, trumpeters.... the whole shebang, it was great to be surrounded by such talented people, but having spoke to many of them, i came to my attension that they were in worship groups for wrong reasons, for self achnolagement, to make them selves feel good. This really troubles me, as i play the drums, but a no point would i play for myself. God gave me the talent of being able to play the drums, so when ever i do play, i play for God, and give him my beats.
sometimes we make our talents more than they should be, we show off, or under use them, or even over use them and they get abused, but im a firm believer that God gave us these talents, so we should use these talents to praise him and worship him!!
'When the music fades and all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
King of endless worth, no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours
Every single breath'
Friday 5 February 2010
amazing
Yay I'm 22, Finally. Another year passed, numerous lessons learnt. I'm really happy with my life at the minute. I couldn't ask for more, I have many New Amazing Friends, Also I still have many of the amazing friends I have known for years. I'm part of an amzing venture with three close Friends, the most amazing thing in my life is my faith, Its been such a long time since I could say I believed, as I can now.
upon meeting new people, many would ask 'how long have you been a christian?' . And i would qiute happily jump in and say 22 years!. but really 22 years? that means i claim to have gave God my life the day i was born!! i can remember the day i Gave my life to God very Clearly so it can't be that long ago! so why do i claim to be a life served christian?. Am i trying to impress some one?, be someone im not? but even if i am why? it doesn't matter, I live my life for Gods will, and thats what matters, I don't do this for any self recognition! or to feel satisfied, I do it for God, Who gave His Son, so We could Live!
I'm so thankful for the opportunities God Is throwing my way, it's immense. and i want to thank everyone who has helped me to keep on God's path in faith.
upon meeting new people, many would ask 'how long have you been a christian?' . And i would qiute happily jump in and say 22 years!. but really 22 years? that means i claim to have gave God my life the day i was born!! i can remember the day i Gave my life to God very Clearly so it can't be that long ago! so why do i claim to be a life served christian?. Am i trying to impress some one?, be someone im not? but even if i am why? it doesn't matter, I live my life for Gods will, and thats what matters, I don't do this for any self recognition! or to feel satisfied, I do it for God, Who gave His Son, so We could Live!
I'm so thankful for the opportunities God Is throwing my way, it's immense. and i want to thank everyone who has helped me to keep on God's path in faith.
Tuesday 2 February 2010
Good God
Good God,
If Your song leaves our lips,
If Your work leaves our hands,
Then we will be wanderers and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are,
How the freedom we had
Turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears,
Let us, because we all have eyes,
Good God
How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
We're so run down
Good God,
Can You still get us home?
Good God,
Can You still get us home?
How can we still get home?
How can we still get home?
I'm not dreaming!
We're forgetting our forgiveness
We're forgetting our forgiveness
If Your song leaves our lips,
If Your work leaves our hands,
Then we will be wanderers and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are,
How the freedom we had
Turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears,
Let us, because we all have eyes,
Good God
How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
We're so run down
Good God,
Can You still get us home?
Good God,
Can You still get us home?
How can we still get home?
How can we still get home?
I'm not dreaming!
We're forgetting our forgiveness
We're forgetting our forgiveness
Monday 1 February 2010
“What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
This Weekend haz been amazing, It's been a wile since i was this happy and contempt in my life, the last week had literally tore my life apart, and my Family. I was at the bottom of a deep hole, i felt alone, and trapt. I thought id have to Battle alone, i started questioning my faith, and questioning God's plan. I failed to see peoples Love and Compassion that was showed towards Me and My family.
but.. on Thursday Night, i was in contact with a couple of new but very close friends who saw i was in need and offered me a hand of guidance. these two Friends sent me messages of encouragement and a reminder that God is there!, through thick and thin. these messages came with 5 minutes of each other, and i realized, it was Gods way of showing i wasn't alone, not only do i have God but i have many incredible friends, who are there when i need it, and are just AMAZING. the following morning i woke up, and i seemed able to handle the same situations but with a different attitude, i felt contempt, and i new the Lord was by my side.
the whole Weekend after that has just been almost surreal. one minute, I'm sat at home the next in on the way to Sheffield with Lucas to see Abi! It was Great to spend time with them, and getting to know them better, I've never really had friends that accept me for who i am like the guys I've met in the last few weeks. I feel i can be ME!! without being Judged. It's Great. and last night was good too, the church service was great, it had me thinking and ultimately trusting in God! and the pub! well... the experience of sunday night Pub, never fails to amaze me.
I want to Thank God for all the Friends i have, and the new relationships, that I'm now part of! without them, im nothing. without God, I'm nothing.
“What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
but.. on Thursday Night, i was in contact with a couple of new but very close friends who saw i was in need and offered me a hand of guidance. these two Friends sent me messages of encouragement and a reminder that God is there!, through thick and thin. these messages came with 5 minutes of each other, and i realized, it was Gods way of showing i wasn't alone, not only do i have God but i have many incredible friends, who are there when i need it, and are just AMAZING. the following morning i woke up, and i seemed able to handle the same situations but with a different attitude, i felt contempt, and i new the Lord was by my side.
the whole Weekend after that has just been almost surreal. one minute, I'm sat at home the next in on the way to Sheffield with Lucas to see Abi! It was Great to spend time with them, and getting to know them better, I've never really had friends that accept me for who i am like the guys I've met in the last few weeks. I feel i can be ME!! without being Judged. It's Great. and last night was good too, the church service was great, it had me thinking and ultimately trusting in God! and the pub! well... the experience of sunday night Pub, never fails to amaze me.
I want to Thank God for all the Friends i have, and the new relationships, that I'm now part of! without them, im nothing. without God, I'm nothing.
“What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
Sunday 31 January 2010
Why
why am i running and hiding,
i know you will find me.
even when im blending in the crowd,
or alone in my room
why am i scared, you cant hurt me
i have to work this out,
i cant do this alone.
the worst is over!
i know you will find me.
even when im blending in the crowd,
or alone in my room
why am i scared, you cant hurt me
i have to work this out,
i cant do this alone.
the worst is over!
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Testing The Water
These last few days have been a bit of a battle for me and my family, All my family go to the salvation army, but on monday night my Dad was forced to step down as Band master, for no reason. he took it really bad, and its made him ill! its thrown the family in to this pitt with no easy signs of an escape, we all spent more time there than at home and now non of us can bare to be there for what has been done.
im in a very hard place now, i love going to the Salvo, have been going for 22 years, but now i cant bare to go and see the people that have caused this damage!, even if they didn't mean to, i still resent them for what they have done. i know that sounds harsh but you have only got to see the damage to see that's its not going to be easy for fix.
until sunday, i knew Gods plan for me, in my life and at church, but now i feel lost, and very scared. God's Hand seems soo distant and hard to reach. i cant figure out what God is telling me through this, Is this Gods way of telling me a change is needed? is it part of his plan?, or is it the devil testing the water?
A Really good (not useless) friend just sent me a message, about two minutes ago, and the words have just put my mind and my heart at rest....
'Keep asking Him, keep listening to Him, He's not throwing a puzzle down for you and then judging your choice. If there's a clear path He wants you to take He will make it known to you when the time is right. Trust Him.'
thank you Josh!
im in a very hard place now, i love going to the Salvo, have been going for 22 years, but now i cant bare to go and see the people that have caused this damage!, even if they didn't mean to, i still resent them for what they have done. i know that sounds harsh but you have only got to see the damage to see that's its not going to be easy for fix.
until sunday, i knew Gods plan for me, in my life and at church, but now i feel lost, and very scared. God's Hand seems soo distant and hard to reach. i cant figure out what God is telling me through this, Is this Gods way of telling me a change is needed? is it part of his plan?, or is it the devil testing the water?
A Really good (not useless) friend just sent me a message, about two minutes ago, and the words have just put my mind and my heart at rest....
'Keep asking Him, keep listening to Him, He's not throwing a puzzle down for you and then judging your choice. If there's a clear path He wants you to take He will make it known to you when the time is right. Trust Him.'
thank you Josh!
Tuesday 26 January 2010
I'll fall facedown
Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence
And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You
So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found
King of glory
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence
And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You
So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found
King of glory
Saturday 23 January 2010
Redemption, passion, glory
This is redemption,
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is redemption, this salvation
This is our mission, and this is our passion
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
What love is this?
This is redemption,
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is rejection,
that they would all hate me
And this is submission
that I would live holy
That I would live holy
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
Let's start this over and we'll see
Just where this love will take us
Your presence shows us grace
Right here in our own meditation
What love is this?
Creation finds your mercy
Redemption, passion, glory
Creation finds submission
Redemption, passion, glory
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is redemption, this salvation
This is our mission, and this is our passion
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
What love is this?
This is redemption,
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is rejection,
that they would all hate me
And this is submission
that I would live holy
That I would live holy
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
Let's start this over and we'll see
Just where this love will take us
Your presence shows us grace
Right here in our own meditation
What love is this?
Creation finds your mercy
Redemption, passion, glory
Creation finds submission
Redemption, passion, glory
Clear out!
I have just got back from 5 hours of clearing sorting and skipping rubbish and crap at church! it was our Winter clear out!
I was forced in to the loft to lower down the endless boxes of paper and crud. sent up long ladders to repair the roof, swept gutters, re-hung doors, and genuinely anything that involved getting my hands dirty!
Getting my hands dirty is something i love, in fact just getting dirty is awesome! makes me feel lke iv accomplished something and very Manly! I'm like a pig in mud! and what made it better is that it was all for God! clearing his house and getting it tidy again!
My life is full of crap that gets in the way of me and God! and i think its about time i cleared these out, cleared away, and tidied my life up! Make my life God's, and Give him the Glory he deserves, its not going to be easy by any matter but i have to do it!. For too long Gods just been on the pile of rubbish i have, Waiting for me to organize him or use him!
God, My life is you'res. I'm here! take me! use me!
I was forced in to the loft to lower down the endless boxes of paper and crud. sent up long ladders to repair the roof, swept gutters, re-hung doors, and genuinely anything that involved getting my hands dirty!
Getting my hands dirty is something i love, in fact just getting dirty is awesome! makes me feel lke iv accomplished something and very Manly! I'm like a pig in mud! and what made it better is that it was all for God! clearing his house and getting it tidy again!
My life is full of crap that gets in the way of me and God! and i think its about time i cleared these out, cleared away, and tidied my life up! Make my life God's, and Give him the Glory he deserves, its not going to be easy by any matter but i have to do it!. For too long Gods just been on the pile of rubbish i have, Waiting for me to organize him or use him!
God, My life is you'res. I'm here! take me! use me!
Friday 22 January 2010
You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.
Today has been a Day of learning for me, I have learnt alot of life's Guide lines which I will now follow when i live out my life from now on!
As you can tell today hasn't been the greatest, and EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong! Today has been Frustrating and Trying, and I had to put alot of effort in to not giving up and walking away! But after a bit of a struggle everything seemed to work out in the end! It got me thinking about my relationship with God.
My relationship with him isn't always a walk in the park, things happen or things creep in to my life and tempt me away from God, and i seem to try to struggle alone to get past these or work through them, but i should just ask God and Pray, God is Great!, I sometimes forget this and think im in the deep end, but things always seem to come together in the end when i realize, I cant do it alone and Turn to Him!. You just have to have the faith and believe he will help you!, and trust me, HE WILL!!
- First of all, DON'T wash you're Face in the morning with 'Mint Shower Gel', it may smell nice, but if it goes up your nose, you're eye water for ages. and this doesn't help whilst trying to get ready at 5.30 in the morning!
- Secondly, When making a hot drink to start you of in the morning. Fill the kettle up before turning it on! if you don't you wont have any hot water, and will run out of time to boil it again!
- The Third Guide line is, When filling up your DIESEL Van use DIESEL and not PETROL! (stupid watery eye blocking vision!)
- The Fourth, Whilst at work pretending you know about 'ELECTRICS!' Remember to turn the POWER OFF! before cutting any wires! (opps! thank God for insulated snippers!)
- The fifth Lesson, Make sure you are PHONING the person you meant to before you start Ranting and swearing at them, other wise you may have called the wrong Dave! (sorry Dave)
- The Sixth Lesson, Remember your money when you go to the Chip Shop for dinner or you wont be able to buy the Chips and you look like a numpty!
- The Seventh Lesson, When someone is working above you on a scaffold, WEAR a Hard Hat, as random Bricks might fall on you head! (that one hurt)
As you can tell today hasn't been the greatest, and EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong! Today has been Frustrating and Trying, and I had to put alot of effort in to not giving up and walking away! But after a bit of a struggle everything seemed to work out in the end! It got me thinking about my relationship with God.
My relationship with him isn't always a walk in the park, things happen or things creep in to my life and tempt me away from God, and i seem to try to struggle alone to get past these or work through them, but i should just ask God and Pray, God is Great!, I sometimes forget this and think im in the deep end, but things always seem to come together in the end when i realize, I cant do it alone and Turn to Him!. You just have to have the faith and believe he will help you!, and trust me, HE WILL!!
Wednesday 20 January 2010
When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a
dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the
world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the
neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was
afraid of me, and one day my dad said "Bobby you... are 17, it’s time to
throw childish things aside" and I said "OK Pop", but he didn't really
say that he said that "Stop being a f****** dinosaur and get a job".
have faith in me!
Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I've gone crazy
Cause there are things in the streets I don't believe
So we'll pretend it's alright and stay in for the night
What a world
I'll keep you safe here with me
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall
They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall
Have faith in me
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I've gone crazy
Cause there are things in the streets I don't believe
So we'll pretend it's alright and stay in for the night
What a world
I'll keep you safe here with me
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall
They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall
Have faith in me
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
Tuesday 19 January 2010
unchangeable ???
I've just been having a little chat with a Friend form Church, About 'CHANGE'. At the church where I go, The Salvation Army, we have recently had a new Officer, (a vicar) He is young and very determined in his work, he is also very good at what he does. hes been with us about 18months, and is hoping to stay at least 10 years. (normally officers only stay at a corps for about 3 years).
In the Recent weeks he has started to make changes within the church and the most notiucable one is the Layout of the seats and platform. for as long as i can remember the hall has always been set out in one way, four rows with eight seats and the band!. Bu it was mentioned that during a service you could only see the back of peoples heads, (me being who i am, i love to see peopel reactions to certain things) so being able to see more people during church is cool!, so the next sunday the chairs were arranged in arched rows, now you can see across church and see faces rather than backs of heads. and everyone seemed to like it.
A few Sundays later the whole of the hall had been set out differently everything had moved! but this time people didn't like it and started moaning, but the officer told everyone, that its just a trial to see if things work out.
The weirdest thing that happened was people saying they didn't feel comfy because they had sat in certain places before or that they didn't feel as close to God! Now im a weirdo, but how can a change of seat effect your love with God?
Thats my little rant over.
So change is it always bad? Can good things come from change?
Many things have changed in my life, but even though some changes take longer to adapt to or accept, and others are easy to live with and i benefit from them, i know that my love God is the same! and His Love for me is the same!, no matter what changes i make i know he is there, because God is good!
In the Recent weeks he has started to make changes within the church and the most notiucable one is the Layout of the seats and platform. for as long as i can remember the hall has always been set out in one way, four rows with eight seats and the band!. Bu it was mentioned that during a service you could only see the back of peoples heads, (me being who i am, i love to see peopel reactions to certain things) so being able to see more people during church is cool!, so the next sunday the chairs were arranged in arched rows, now you can see across church and see faces rather than backs of heads. and everyone seemed to like it.
A few Sundays later the whole of the hall had been set out differently everything had moved! but this time people didn't like it and started moaning, but the officer told everyone, that its just a trial to see if things work out.
The weirdest thing that happened was people saying they didn't feel comfy because they had sat in certain places before or that they didn't feel as close to God! Now im a weirdo, but how can a change of seat effect your love with God?
Thats my little rant over.
So change is it always bad? Can good things come from change?
Many things have changed in my life, but even though some changes take longer to adapt to or accept, and others are easy to live with and i benefit from them, i know that my love God is the same! and His Love for me is the same!, no matter what changes i make i know he is there, because God is good!
Monday 18 January 2010
These Walls
These walls are suffocating me,
With no means of escape,
I sit and I wait
Wait and think.
There has to be a way out!
But i dont hold much hope.
Every thing i look at reminds me of you,
The things i miss, and the things i hate,
These walls hold me back from moving on.
From being me! From forgetting you.
Starring at photos of us and you just fade away.
Too dumb to see, what we had.
To blind to know whats was happening.
All i need is a ladder to climb out,
But even if i could i dont know if i would?
These walls have secrets within,
Stories to tell. But if i ever got out,
I will knock them down to clear a path
For my new foundations!
With no means of escape,
I sit and I wait
Wait and think.
There has to be a way out!
But i dont hold much hope.
Every thing i look at reminds me of you,
The things i miss, and the things i hate,
These walls hold me back from moving on.
From being me! From forgetting you.
Starring at photos of us and you just fade away.
Too dumb to see, what we had.
To blind to know whats was happening.
All i need is a ladder to climb out,
But even if i could i dont know if i would?
These walls have secrets within,
Stories to tell. But if i ever got out,
I will knock them down to clear a path
For my new foundations!
Sunday 17 January 2010
I Love My Brick!
Ok this might bore you slightly but i like it!
Going back a few months, Our church went on a weekend away at Scarborough, it was a really good weekend and i took alot away with me, I guess that this was about the time when God really started talking to me, and i began to Acknowledge God in my life.
The whole weekend was titled 'Foundations', and was about getting to the bottom of our relationships with God and making sure our foundations were strong. On the Sunday morning, we had a small prayer meeting before the main gathering, normally i wouldn't have gone to this as the swimming pool is normally my worship place when we go away, but earlier that morning a friend from church, Dave, a fellow joiner/builder asked me to come along as he thought id benefit from this meeting, so i gave up the swimming pool and went along.
Mhe meeting started with n explanaition of foundations, or footings, now as a builder i knoww the most important bit of a building isthe foundations, and without substantal foundations, the biulding will be week and risk collapsing. Dave started to explain about how it all starts with digging, so in our spiritual lives we have to remove anything from use having a Firm foundation on/with God!, and then we add concrete to form the foundation,, the concrete in our lives with god is belief, because if we didn't believe any thing we build on top will fall down.
But Dave took this meeting one step further than foundations, this is the bit that's had me thinking qiute alot, he spook about the bricks, now there are three types of brick, Engineering brick, facing brick, and a block. now each have there own purpose but they differ to how they are used on a building.
First you get an engineering brick, these lay on the foundations and give the building a layout on top of the foundation, like the bible shows us how we should live our lives. it is very important to have engineering bricks as they stop moisture from the ground penetrating the building, and hold back anything that should come in between us and God.
Next you have a Facing 'Brick', this 'Brick' goes on the out side, its like a false front, it has no purpose other than to look good, and sometimes as Christians we all say 'I'm Christian', but that's as far as it goes, we feel just saying we are Christians is enough. but is it?
The 'Block' is next and this is the most important, this is the supporting skin, this holds up our floors and roofs. id like to think that as a christian im a 'Block' not literally. id like to think that im here to support anything that needs support, Friends, Family, the church.
This idea of being a 'Brick' has played on me ever since, i often question what brick i am? id love to be a 'Block' all the time, but i know, i have feel in to the just putting up a good front before, and not always doing what i should be, but i pray that good will give me guidance to becoming a true 'Block' and start supporting his kingdom.
so what brick are you?
Going back a few months, Our church went on a weekend away at Scarborough, it was a really good weekend and i took alot away with me, I guess that this was about the time when God really started talking to me, and i began to Acknowledge God in my life.
The whole weekend was titled 'Foundations', and was about getting to the bottom of our relationships with God and making sure our foundations were strong. On the Sunday morning, we had a small prayer meeting before the main gathering, normally i wouldn't have gone to this as the swimming pool is normally my worship place when we go away, but earlier that morning a friend from church, Dave, a fellow joiner/builder asked me to come along as he thought id benefit from this meeting, so i gave up the swimming pool and went along.
Mhe meeting started with n explanaition of foundations, or footings, now as a builder i knoww the most important bit of a building isthe foundations, and without substantal foundations, the biulding will be week and risk collapsing. Dave started to explain about how it all starts with digging, so in our spiritual lives we have to remove anything from use having a Firm foundation on/with God!, and then we add concrete to form the foundation,, the concrete in our lives with god is belief, because if we didn't believe any thing we build on top will fall down.
But Dave took this meeting one step further than foundations, this is the bit that's had me thinking qiute alot, he spook about the bricks, now there are three types of brick, Engineering brick, facing brick, and a block. now each have there own purpose but they differ to how they are used on a building.
First you get an engineering brick, these lay on the foundations and give the building a layout on top of the foundation, like the bible shows us how we should live our lives. it is very important to have engineering bricks as they stop moisture from the ground penetrating the building, and hold back anything that should come in between us and God.
Next you have a Facing 'Brick', this 'Brick' goes on the out side, its like a false front, it has no purpose other than to look good, and sometimes as Christians we all say 'I'm Christian', but that's as far as it goes, we feel just saying we are Christians is enough. but is it?
The 'Block' is next and this is the most important, this is the supporting skin, this holds up our floors and roofs. id like to think that as a christian im a 'Block' not literally. id like to think that im here to support anything that needs support, Friends, Family, the church.
This idea of being a 'Brick' has played on me ever since, i often question what brick i am? id love to be a 'Block' all the time, but i know, i have feel in to the just putting up a good front before, and not always doing what i should be, but i pray that good will give me guidance to becoming a true 'Block' and start supporting his kingdom.
so what brick are you?
Saturday 16 January 2010
Intelegent Ducks
ok Last night really got to me and i had to do something, id had a really crappy day, i felt alone and scared. and when i got home i was just going mental, but then i read a friends status, it said that she had just watched Anchorman!. and me being a true Anchorman fan i started to qoute from the film. and another friend also joined in till we reached about 70 comments. i know its simple and a bit childish, it made me happy! really happy!. it made me feel like a big kid! and maybe it was the feeling of being child like that made me happy, the innocence of a child with no worries or problems, like the ones i seem to hit every day. and whilst in a good mood id decided that a nice drive would be in order, it was about 1.30 this morning the roads were clear, so i went to my favorite place within reasonable distance, Trent Bridge, i go there if im feeling low and talk to the Ducks and Geese. Its like talking to someone with the same IQ. So after quite and long intelligent chat with a duck, i sat on the embankment steps and just watched the lights in the river. i started praying to myself and asking for help with my problems. and i started to think, 'maybe i should show God that im thankful for the things i have in life, rather than just keep asking for help' so i started a prayer of thanks for everything i could see!, the Moon, the Stars, the boats the people the birds, the boy racers that passed! and as soon as i stood up i felt like a wieght had lifted from my sholders and i could stand tall and proud knowing God was with me!. On he drive home i continued to pray for the things that i could see, (i do strongly advise that you pray with your eyes open whilst driving, (i learn't the hard way)).
i am so thankful for all that God has given me! Even though i may be down in the dumps, i know that he is still there by my side. i just need to make sure that im ready to let him help me!
i am so thankful for all that God has given me! Even though i may be down in the dumps, i know that he is still there by my side. i just need to make sure that im ready to let him help me!
Friday 15 January 2010
you stole
Last night they said the fire had spread and we said our prayers
And now the flames are burning me in my bed but I just don't care
We all go to sleep in the same place and in the morning hope that we're all the same
We'll just sit around like broke down cars in the lot waiting for repairs
There you go
There it goes
Well I wish that I was as good as you at caring and trusting
And I wish that my condition was new but I'm old and rusted
So we just hurry up only to wait
And add to the list of all the places we hate
And I'll pretend like I've got something to say but I've got nothing
And now I know what you stole
Yeah you stole
From the cradles they were rocked in
You took the first words that they spoke
Yeah you stole
Yeah you stole
So if I'm a liar then you're a thief
At least we both know where the other one sleeps and lets end this tonight.
Stole
Yeah you stole
From the cradles they were rocked in
You took the first words that they spoke
Yeah you stole
Yeah you stole
So if I'm a liar then you're a thief
At least we both know where the other one sleeps and lets end this tonight
And now the flames are burning me in my bed but I just don't care
We all go to sleep in the same place and in the morning hope that we're all the same
We'll just sit around like broke down cars in the lot waiting for repairs
There you go
There it goes
Well I wish that I was as good as you at caring and trusting
And I wish that my condition was new but I'm old and rusted
So we just hurry up only to wait
And add to the list of all the places we hate
And I'll pretend like I've got something to say but I've got nothing
And now I know what you stole
Yeah you stole
From the cradles they were rocked in
You took the first words that they spoke
Yeah you stole
Yeah you stole
So if I'm a liar then you're a thief
At least we both know where the other one sleeps and lets end this tonight.
Stole
Yeah you stole
From the cradles they were rocked in
You took the first words that they spoke
Yeah you stole
Yeah you stole
So if I'm a liar then you're a thief
At least we both know where the other one sleeps and lets end this tonight
Thursday 14 January 2010
Selfishness
I have recently discovered how selfish i am! This upsets me, Here i am sat at home, moaning because i can't go to work, Moaning because I'm on my own and moaning because we have no chocolate in the house. But during a recen adventure to the kitchen to get a glass of Milk, My attention was drawn to the TV and my Mum was watching the News. The News was showing the devastation and aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti! Thousands of wrecked families and homes, cities torn apart and the death toll! I couldn't begin to imagine going through all that! and theres me, moaning because of silly petty things, when theres that happening in the world.
It made me realize how selfish i am! It got me thinking, of how i live for myself again!, this issue is a major battle im having in life at the minute, God is trying to make e realize that i have to stop living for me! And start living for others and Him! To be honest, i dont know why i fight it?, i know God, He wont give up on me and He wont just ignore the matter. I guess its down to me! i have to change, make the effort.
I don't know yet as to how God wants me to change, but if im honest im a little scared of what he might say or ask me to do! Even though i know it will be for the better, im worried. should i be?
It made me realize how selfish i am! It got me thinking, of how i live for myself again!, this issue is a major battle im having in life at the minute, God is trying to make e realize that i have to stop living for me! And start living for others and Him! To be honest, i dont know why i fight it?, i know God, He wont give up on me and He wont just ignore the matter. I guess its down to me! i have to change, make the effort.
I don't know yet as to how God wants me to change, but if im honest im a little scared of what he might say or ask me to do! Even though i know it will be for the better, im worried. should i be?
Wednesday 13 January 2010
over thinking
well, today has been a pretty pants day, i got up for work, got ready and then i got a phone call to tell me to not bother going to work because it was too dangerous. . so i headed back to bed, only to wake up at gone 11. so annoyed with myself. so i did the usual scope of Facebook and sorted a few things out and then i just sat there listening to whatever ever tune-age was pumping form my computer. I must have sat there for about an hour just lost in my own thoughts. now i have been through a great deal in these last few months, some things i can't bare tomention but others are life changing, and as i sat there staring out my window, the music took me back two or three years and got me thinking, about how happy i was back then, i thought i had everything i could ever need. a good job, money, a social life and a girlfriend. i lived everyday for me! and i had some really goodtimes. but then about 4 months ago, i broke up with my girlfriend and hit a brick wall, everything fell apart around me and id hit rock bottom. so whilst in this train of thought, i started to think like 'what if this had happened?' or 'what if i had done this?' and it started to bring me down.
and the more i thought about it the angrier i got. In the end i stopped the music stood up and literally screamed! i feel sorry for the neighbors!. Then it hit me, back then i was living for myself, and not for god! and then i felt i had betrayed god in some way. so i sat there a little longer, and drifted off in my thoughts again! but this time i was thinking about the last few weeks, and how id let god back into my life, and it took some getting used to at first, and i did ignore him a few times thing it would pass, but God being God he made sure that i couldn't ignore him for long.
He left subtle but sharp messages all over, and i knew something had to change and i knew that, 'something' was me.
and the more i thought about it the angrier i got. In the end i stopped the music stood up and literally screamed! i feel sorry for the neighbors!. Then it hit me, back then i was living for myself, and not for god! and then i felt i had betrayed god in some way. so i sat there a little longer, and drifted off in my thoughts again! but this time i was thinking about the last few weeks, and how id let god back into my life, and it took some getting used to at first, and i did ignore him a few times thing it would pass, but God being God he made sure that i couldn't ignore him for long.
He left subtle but sharp messages all over, and i knew something had to change and i knew that, 'something' was me.
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