Saturday, 27 February 2010

Distant and Distracted

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last blogy thing, but, I've been a bit distracted and busy. Alot has been going off lately, some awesome things have happened, and some not so good things. I'm feeling very content with life, but at the same time very distant. It's hard to explain, how I feel. one of the main things thats changed is that I'm no longer single, this is awesome for me. Also work has picked up again YAY, back to waking up at 5.30 and leaving the house at stupid O'clock for work and getting back t silly times of the evening, It has really took me by surprise, having had little or no work for weeks, and now this, I don't know what way to turn, but I love it!

The only thing is, with all this going off in my life, I really do feel like I'm getting very distant and distracted from other things that i should be putting effort into, or giving attention. I'm scared in case I forget something, leave it behind, or loose my self, like I have before. I have this thing, where I put ALL my care and effort in to someting new, and really neglecting something else and I don't want this to happen, but It seems too easy for me to do it. then when everything cools off or I get sometime to reflect, I realize what I've done, and sometimes, it's too late to do anything about it.

This is the first time in two weeks that I've found the time to write on here, I feel a bit bad, as I promised myself that this is something I'd keep on top of, as writing on here really helps me. but, Its also one of the things that I've been distracted from. OPPS. If I'm honest, the thing im really scared of is being distracted from God! and I can feel it happening, it's awful! I'm feeling relly ashamed about it, now I'm starting to feel I shouldn't be writing this now, I'm using some of my little personal time to write this rather than spending it with God.... arrggh, I really don't know how to do this, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain, I know, loving God shouldn't be a chore, or make you feel bad, but I can't shake this feeling. The feeling as tho I'm pushing him to one side.

I've done it too many times, putting God second in life, or even third or fourth, but when the crap hits the fan, who do I turn to? Hmmm... maybe i should learn from this, but I never seem too. Nothing should knock God from his number 1 spot. nothing! but somehow, even though I know this I still manage to do it.

Luckily God's got my back, so when things don't go my way, I know i can turn to him, and He wont have judged me or tell me how he had told me so! God is great, I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me! and for everything he will do for me! But I've got to learn to put HIM FIRST.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Do Not Judge!

Theres something thats really getting to me at the minute, and I can see that it's effecting my friends and family, After these last few weeks, I'v decided to take a step back to look at whats going on around me, rather than just jumping on the band wagon, and drawing up my own conclusions. I'm trying to look at the bigger picture! I'm trying to see God's plan in the situations that I come across.

I have this thing about people who, point something out about me, that might not be showing who I am. When the person pointing it out has issues themselves that they ignore. I'm more than happy to listen to someone's advise, If there willing to see there own downfall.

Mathew 7

Do not judge, or you too may be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be used to you.

Why do you look at the speck of dust in you're Brothers eye?, When you pay no attension the plank in you're own eye? How can you say to you're Brother, 'let me take that speack out of you're eye' when all the time you have a plank in you're eye? You hypocrite, First take out the plank in you're eye,then you will see clearly to remove the dust from you're brothers eye.

(Thank You Abi and Caz!!!)

Its really easy to notice other peoples downfalls, and offer advice, but its not walays easy to see your own downfall. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want their views, or opinions, but I just feel that people should look deeply at themselves before making comments.

My other thing is, if you need help, advice, a prayer, a friend! just ask!!, I'm sure you're friends wouldn't judge you! I won't!. Don't try to go things alone, Friends are amazing! even if there not with you, they can still be there for you! even if their in Hull!! and remember to pray! it sounds selfish to pray for yourself, but its not! God is AWESOME! he will listen, he will not judge!

Spread The Love

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Fallen Hero

Today has been great for me, I managed to look at the situations that are effecting Me, or My family in a different view. In the last few days I have been praying ALOT, for many reasons. My main area of prayer has been aimed towards my Dad and Mum. My dad has been really ill in the last few weeks, My Dad is one of my biggest heroes, he has been a great influence in many areas of my life, including my faith.

Seeing my Dad look so faint, and weak, has really tough, you never think that someone you thought was strong, could actually end up like this. I;m really ashamed of my self , as if I was at home when my dad was, I'd stay in my room to avoid facing him, or I'd stay away from the house, because, it just hurt so much, i feel so helpless, as i cant do anything for him, I feel like i have failed him, so i got scared and hid from it. I left my dad when he was in this time of need! how could I have done this? its not christian like? its not very son like?

I was sat in my room yesterday, talking to a friend, I was looking for someone to confide in, or someone to have sympathy on me, but he told me straight! he made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding, no matter what the problem is, I don't need to battle alone! i need to trust in God and offer my thoughts and worries to him.

I seem to have this thing, that when I get caught up in these situations or difficulty, I always feel im alone, I bottle it up, and hide it. until i get reminded that God is here! God is Great! God will help. but why do I forget this time and time again? I don't get it! but I'm so lucky that I have these friends who watch over me, and take me back to God, when they know I need that little push!!.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Hope In Lost Cause's

How come, every time, anything good happens in my life, I get really excited about it and give it my all, just to be knocked back down again later??? just as things start to look up again, something is always waiting around the corner, to kick me while im down.

It seems whenever I do something, Either personally, spiritually, or Anything, I put all my hope in to it, hoping things will happen or unfold, hoping I will gain something from the situation, hoping things will stay like they are? it just seems that I put hope in lost cause's?. Then when things dont work out, or go as planned(wanted) or just collapses, I take it really badly, as tho its my fault or I'm a failure?. Is it just me? or do I have some sort of problem?

When things go wrong, I get dragged down by it, and get taken to this dark place, that if I'm honest, scares me! I start thinking of reasons why it may have happened, and I begin to hate myself, for being this failure, or for letting it happen, again. I become this monster that snaps, and runs. I cant control it, I cant help it, I get so worked up that it just takes over, and I become something that isn't me!. should I take it this badly?

After feeling angry with my self, I start to feel sorry for myself, sorry that I put such hope into something/ someone. time after time, it happens again and again. each time out of the dark seems to be short lived, and I know it wont be long before I'm back again.

I have to stop thinking that I'm alone in this, I get so wound up in all this that I put God to one side!! when really I should be using His strength in these situations, It's so easy to forget that God can/will help, when you get so caught up with yourself. I need to start putting all my hope and my attention in God! Give Him my hand, and let him guide me.

I don't know why I forget about God at times, But I'm so lucky that I have many good friends who can point me in the right direction, and remind me of His love for me, for us, for everyone, I might only be one person, but God knows me! he knows everything about me, so I need to stop placing all my hope in lost cause's and start trusting in God more as he will never fail me, or leave me!!

2 Corinthians ch 4 v 17 - 18
For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

for you're self?

I have just got back from a 9 hour worship stint, It was AMAZING,. A lady called Geraldine Latte led a worship workshop, about how to lead worship with music, She is an amazingly awesome person who has such a great deal of experience and knowledge to share with us. I can honestly say, that i have never thought about the way music can be used in a multitude of different worship situations. even in the worshop, we were still worshiping, it was truly immense.

there were loads of talented people there, from drummers, bassists, guitarists, singers, trumpeters.... the whole shebang, it was great to be surrounded by such talented people, but having spoke to many of them, i came to my attension that they were in worship groups for wrong reasons, for self achnolagement, to make them selves feel good. This really troubles me, as i play the drums, but a no point would i play for myself. God gave me the talent of being able to play the drums, so when ever i do play, i play for God, and give him my beats.

sometimes we make our talents more than they should be, we show off, or under use them, or even over use them and they get abused, but im a firm believer that God gave us these talents, so we should use these talents to praise him and worship him!!

'When the music fades and all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus

King of endless worth, no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours
Every single breath'

Friday, 5 February 2010


Yay I'm 22, Finally. Another year passed, numerous lessons learnt. I'm really happy with my life at the minute. I couldn't ask for more, I have many New Amazing Friends, Also I still have many of the amazing friends I have known for years. I'm part of an amzing venture with three close Friends, the most amazing thing in my life is my faith, Its been such a long time since I could say I believed, as I can now.

upon meeting new people, many would ask 'how long have you been a christian?' . And i would qiute happily jump in and say 22 years!. but really 22 years? that means i claim to have gave God my life the day i was born!! i can remember the day i Gave my life to God very Clearly so it can't be that long ago! so why do i claim to be a life served christian?. Am i trying to impress some one?, be someone im not? but even if i am why? it doesn't matter, I live my life for Gods will, and thats what matters, I don't do this for any self recognition! or to feel satisfied, I do it for God, Who gave His Son, so We could Live!

I'm so thankful for the opportunities God Is throwing my way, it's immense. and i want to thank everyone who has helped me to keep on God's path in faith.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Good God

Good God,
If Your song leaves our lips,
If Your work leaves our hands,
Then we will be wanderers and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are,
How the freedom we had
Turned us up as dead men

Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears,
Let us, because we all have eyes,
Good God

How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
How they knew that this would happen
They knew, they knew that this would
We're so run down

Good God,
Can You still get us home?
Good God,
Can You still get us home?

How can we still get home?
How can we still get home?
I'm not dreaming!
We're forgetting our forgiveness
We're forgetting our forgiveness

Monday, 1 February 2010

“What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”

This Weekend haz been amazing, It's been a wile since i was this happy and contempt in my life, the last week had literally tore my life apart, and my Family. I was at the bottom of a deep hole, i felt alone, and trapt. I thought id have to Battle alone, i started questioning my faith, and questioning God's plan. I failed to see peoples Love and Compassion that was showed towards Me and My family.

but.. on Thursday Night, i was in contact with a couple of new but very close friends who saw i was in need and offered me a hand of guidance. these two Friends sent me messages of encouragement and a reminder that God is there!, through thick and thin. these messages came with 5 minutes of each other, and i realized, it was Gods way of showing i wasn't alone, not only do i have God but i have many incredible friends, who are there when i need it, and are just AMAZING. the following morning i woke up, and i seemed able to handle the same situations but with a different attitude, i felt contempt, and i new the Lord was by my side.

the whole Weekend after that has just been almost surreal. one minute, I'm sat at home the next in on the way to Sheffield with Lucas to see Abi! It was Great to spend time with them, and getting to know them better, I've never really had friends that accept me for who i am like the guys I've met in the last few weeks. I feel i can be ME!! without being Judged. It's Great. and last night was good too, the church service was great, it had me thinking and ultimately trusting in God! and the pub! well... the experience of sunday night Pub, never fails to amaze me.

I want to Thank God for all the Friends i have, and the new relationships, that I'm now part of! without them, im nothing. without God, I'm nothing.

“What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”