Distant and Distracted

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last blogy thing, but, I've been a bit distracted and busy. Alot has been going off lately, some awesome things have happened, and some not so good things. I'm feeling very content with life, but at the same time very distant. It's hard to explain, how I feel. one of the main things thats changed is that I'm no longer single, this is awesome for me. Also work has picked up again YAY, back to waking up at 5.30 and leaving the house at stupid O'clock for work and getting back t silly times of the evening, It has really took me by surprise, having had little or no work for weeks, and now this, I don't know what way to turn, but I love it!

The only thing is, with all this going off in my life, I really do feel like I'm getting very distant and distracted from other things that i should be putting effort into, or giving attention. I'm scared in case I forget something, leave it behind, or loose my self, like I have before. I have this thing, where I put ALL my care and effort in to someting new, and really neglecting something else and I don't want this to happen, but It seems too easy for me to do it. then when everything cools off or I get sometime to reflect, I realize what I've done, and sometimes, it's too late to do anything about it.

This is the first time in two weeks that I've found the time to write on here, I feel a bit bad, as I promised myself that this is something I'd keep on top of, as writing on here really helps me. but, Its also one of the things that I've been distracted from. OPPS. If I'm honest, the thing im really scared of is being distracted from God! and I can feel it happening, it's awful! I'm feeling relly ashamed about it, now I'm starting to feel I shouldn't be writing this now, I'm using some of my little personal time to write this rather than spending it with God.... arrggh, I really don't know how to do this, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain, I know, loving God shouldn't be a chore, or make you feel bad, but I can't shake this feeling. The feeling as tho I'm pushing him to one side.

I've done it too many times, putting God second in life, or even third or fourth, but when the crap hits the fan, who do I turn to? Hmmm... maybe i should learn from this, but I never seem too. Nothing should knock God from his number 1 spot. nothing! but somehow, even though I know this I still manage to do it.

Luckily God's got my back, so when things don't go my way, I know i can turn to him, and He wont have judged me or tell me how he had told me so! God is great, I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me! and for everything he will do for me! But I've got to learn to put HIM FIRST.