It's not fair
to find you here,
waiting for me
I don't care
That I care
way too much
Wait and see
that you are inside of
The places that you knew you loved
The only time you'll ever trust
You are done,
It's all been done!
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Don't let my past bring you down.
Sometimes we let our past haunt us, wrong decisions that come back and bite us on the arse, lies that cause trouble later on, come on, we have all lied at some point or another, and then get caught out. Silly things that cause hurt, upset and anger. I would be the first to admit that I wish I had donethings differently. I wish I took different steps in life, I often wonder what would have happened if....
But in reality we can't go back, we can't change things. We can rectify them, work out our mistakes. Start anew, but even if we had a new start, how long would it be till we wanted to start anew again? I guess I'm saying, no matter how many fresh start at e we get, we would always want another.
I really wanted to start this year different, Changing my attitudes, Helping more where I can, being the person God wants me to be, not the person I want to be! I've tried to be different but I often set my self back, doing something I'm not prod aout, saying something wrong or acting childish.
It's taken me a while, well most of mylie to realise myactions don't just effect me, they effect the people around me, my family, my friends, and my girlfriend. I often get asked by people abou my past, things like how did you do at school?, or what relationships have you been in and what happened to them? I find it hard to answer some questions, because they remind me of the things I'mnot so proud about, I didn't dotoo well in school, I didn't work, I messed about, I caused trouble, my past relationships are difficult to talk about to, I feel foolish and nieve, but no matter what I cant change what has hapened in my past, as much as I would like to, I can't.
I don't what my past to haunt me anymore, I do't want it to effect me, or the people around me, and I don't want it to effect the person I love, I don't want people dwelling on it, I want a new start! and ant the people around me to share in my new start, lead me, throw me, take me through this show me I am a different person! I really want this tobemy last new start, I know I can make this work.
But in reality we can't go back, we can't change things. We can rectify them, work out our mistakes. Start anew, but even if we had a new start, how long would it be till we wanted to start anew again? I guess I'm saying, no matter how many fresh start at e we get, we would always want another.
I really wanted to start this year different, Changing my attitudes, Helping more where I can, being the person God wants me to be, not the person I want to be! I've tried to be different but I often set my self back, doing something I'm not prod aout, saying something wrong or acting childish.
It's taken me a while, well most of mylie to realise myactions don't just effect me, they effect the people around me, my family, my friends, and my girlfriend. I often get asked by people abou my past, things like how did you do at school?, or what relationships have you been in and what happened to them? I find it hard to answer some questions, because they remind me of the things I'mnot so proud about, I didn't dotoo well in school, I didn't work, I messed about, I caused trouble, my past relationships are difficult to talk about to, I feel foolish and nieve, but no matter what I cant change what has hapened in my past, as much as I would like to, I can't.
I don't what my past to haunt me anymore, I do't want it to effect me, or the people around me, and I don't want it to effect the person I love, I don't want people dwelling on it, I want a new start! and ant the people around me to share in my new start, lead me, throw me, take me through this show me I am a different person! I really want this tobemy last new start, I know I can make this work.
Saturday, 15 January 2011
New Start
Wow, its been a long time since I last blogged.
Well, it's a new year, and I want to start this new year with a new start. last year was a massive roller coaster, (please forgive me for the cheese). I lost my van, I found Abi, I lost work, I had a great holiday, I lost money, I brought Larry monster, Great things happened with the band, I made some awesome friens for life. even thought alot of great things happened, I still got dragged down by the crap, I strugled to make ends meet and pay my bils, my finances took a battering, and I'm still trying to get my head abouve the water now.
So, with this New start, I want to prepare myself for the future, I want to start saving for plans I have, I'm 22 nearly 23, and I want My own house, spread my wings. but I need to control myself, stop wasting my money and time on silly piontless things.
also, I want to change my Attitude, I can get Angry really fast, When I drive I can get wound up easily! It effects my driving, I drive arrogantly, I Speed,i shout at people!, but for the last two weeks I've been carefull not to let things wnd me up, I consentrate, and I'mloving driving again.
i just hope I can keep up wih these, and who knows maybe by 2012, I might have a house, or i could be driving for Red bull in F1!
Well, it's a new year, and I want to start this new year with a new start. last year was a massive roller coaster, (please forgive me for the cheese). I lost my van, I found Abi, I lost work, I had a great holiday, I lost money, I brought Larry monster, Great things happened with the band, I made some awesome friens for life. even thought alot of great things happened, I still got dragged down by the crap, I strugled to make ends meet and pay my bils, my finances took a battering, and I'm still trying to get my head abouve the water now.
So, with this New start, I want to prepare myself for the future, I want to start saving for plans I have, I'm 22 nearly 23, and I want My own house, spread my wings. but I need to control myself, stop wasting my money and time on silly piontless things.
also, I want to change my Attitude, I can get Angry really fast, When I drive I can get wound up easily! It effects my driving, I drive arrogantly, I Speed,i shout at people!, but for the last two weeks I've been carefull not to let things wnd me up, I consentrate, and I'mloving driving again.
i just hope I can keep up wih these, and who knows maybe by 2012, I might have a house, or i could be driving for Red bull in F1!
Monday, 18 October 2010
All hands on deck
Awake, I am awake,
and I'm still alive out here,
awake, I am awake
and I'm still alive out here,
blinded, by this light,
it is all that surrounds me.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come,
showing teeth, bearing fever, lost in open water,
until they find, finds us all, lost with all the shipwreck.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control. Am I too far gone to be saved,
lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone to be saved.
Lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone, too far gone to be saved.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again, we lost control,
and I lost control.
and I'm still alive out here,
awake, I am awake
and I'm still alive out here,
blinded, by this light,
it is all that surrounds me.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come,
showing teeth, bearing fever, lost in open water,
until they find, finds us all, lost with all the shipwreck.
Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control. Am I too far gone to be saved,
lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone to be saved.
Lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone, too far gone to be saved.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again, we lost control,
and I lost control.
It's been a while.
I Don't know where this is going to go, or what im really going to say, its been weeks since I,v written a blog, I guess I've been too busy, and pre-occupied, but not only have I been to busy to blog, but I've been to busy to talk to God and take notice of Him, and His work around me. God is AMAZING, but I often, well always (If I'm Honest) take Him for granted! I wish I had a God APP on my phone, then I could spend as much time as possible with Him.
At the Mo, I'm feeling like crap, and I have done for about a week, I get these killer head aches, sore throat, and fevers. People keep telling me i need to Slow down and start looking after myself, I'm always doing something, either working or running round for other people, I like helping people, If I can help, then I will, I can't just stand and watch people struggle, and everyone gets on my case about how i push myself too far, Is this ill health me deteriorating, God telling me to stop?.
as most of you know, I play in a band called Early to the vineyard, I love to play with the guys, they are a great bunch of people who are always there to help me or pray with me and generally look out for me. these guys mean so much to me, we've been together for just under a year, and what a year its been. we've had loads of ups and a few downs, but its been great, and i guess I just want to thank God for these Guys and for everything he's doing through us.
At the Mo, I'm feeling like crap, and I have done for about a week, I get these killer head aches, sore throat, and fevers. People keep telling me i need to Slow down and start looking after myself, I'm always doing something, either working or running round for other people, I like helping people, If I can help, then I will, I can't just stand and watch people struggle, and everyone gets on my case about how i push myself too far, Is this ill health me deteriorating, God telling me to stop?.
as most of you know, I play in a band called Early to the vineyard, I love to play with the guys, they are a great bunch of people who are always there to help me or pray with me and generally look out for me. these guys mean so much to me, we've been together for just under a year, and what a year its been. we've had loads of ups and a few downs, but its been great, and i guess I just want to thank God for these Guys and for everything he's doing through us.
Monday, 30 August 2010
mono
If time can break us down
And not keep us around
I wont wait
I wont mind
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk hole
And now we're not the same
I'm running past the words
To finish up the faults
Cant come back
I wont wait
Wont live like that
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
And now we're not the same
I'll find myself once more again
I've started up this race
I'll find myself once more again
It's something I cant change
And now we're not the same
I cant help by myself again
And not keep us around
I wont wait
I wont mind
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk hole
And now we're not the same
I'm running past the words
To finish up the faults
Cant come back
I wont wait
Wont live like that
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
And now we're not the same
I'll find myself once more again
I've started up this race
I'll find myself once more again
It's something I cant change
And now we're not the same
I cant help by myself again
Saturday, 28 August 2010
It must be the music?
Why do I seem to look for God in the wrong places?. I push him to the side when I feel I don't need him, when in reality I need him all the time. When things are looking up I get carried away, get too caught up in my own little world, a world where I dont need to count on him, But who am I kidding?, of course I need him, Things only go right, when he has his hand in them. I'm ashamed of my self, I really am. I can't remember the last time I sat down and prayed, or even said thank you to Him for the amazing things that are happening.
As many of you know I'm in a band, and in the last few weeks we havehad some amazing oppertunities thrown our way, we were able to enter a talent contest on sky 1, called 'must be the music'. It was a great opertunity for us, especialy as we only started the band last december. We were Invited to Audition in Manchester, so we packed our gear and headed to manchester in mike's 'Bat-mobile', it was a great day, we played one of our songs called 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship'. and we performed really well, well enough to be invited to a further interview,to talk about ourselves and the band.
The interview was great, We were able to talk about the band and our roots and our faith and how we put all these together, to write songs, play songs, and perform together. We were interegated about our faith and questioned about how we relflect God within the band, as a member of early to the vineyard, we don't play for our own satisfaction, we play for God, we give every moment of every song to God, and we pray that he will use us to share his love with others, we play to save.
some weeks later we recieved news that we had made it to the nex stage, To perform at the Hackney Empire, in fromt of three judges, Dizzee Rascal, Jamie Cullam, and some bird. We left Nottingham at 2.30 in the morning, having to be at the empire for 7.30. The drive Down was awesome, a great laugh, and then with a couple of train and a tube ride later we were stod outside a massive venue, nervouse and excited!. we couldn't wait to get in! after a wait around we were asked to sound check, and wow what a stage it was a massive drum kit, lights and curtains and wires everywhere!, sound check how ever didnt go too well, we couldn't hear each other and it was a bit disheartning, but back in theholding room we had a chance to calm down take it easy and have a few words with the big man upstairs. waiting to be called up. after what seemed like ages we werecalled up and taken on the walk of shame, in a maze of corridors and rooms, we went backstage, readyto go and rock for God.
We were sent onstage, and played our hearts out, and well done to Josh for scaring the bejesus out of dizzee rascal, after the song we were asked to face the judges, where they would tell us if they likes us and if we made it to the next stage. which we didn't. sadly. Dizzee asked Josh the message of the song, 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship' to which Josh replied, 'sometimes people place their hope in worldly things, but we blieve if you place your heart and hope in Gods hands, he will never let you down' to whichabout 15 people through out the crowd stood and applauded. wich for me mde it woth while, yea we didn't make it but some people saw God in us and supported us! it was an immense moment!
We made the center pages of the Sun newpaper the other week, 'a Christian band scare the bejesus out of Dizzee Rascal, and the following day we were shown on the show. it did't look to well, but i was still proud to have got that far, with three great guys, and eversince we have recieved so much loveand encouragement from random people, I'v even been spotted on the street. its amazing and I'm so thankfull to God for giving me this opertunity!
As many of you know I'm in a band, and in the last few weeks we havehad some amazing oppertunities thrown our way, we were able to enter a talent contest on sky 1, called 'must be the music'. It was a great opertunity for us, especialy as we only started the band last december. We were Invited to Audition in Manchester, so we packed our gear and headed to manchester in mike's 'Bat-mobile', it was a great day, we played one of our songs called 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship'. and we performed really well, well enough to be invited to a further interview,to talk about ourselves and the band.
The interview was great, We were able to talk about the band and our roots and our faith and how we put all these together, to write songs, play songs, and perform together. We were interegated about our faith and questioned about how we relflect God within the band, as a member of early to the vineyard, we don't play for our own satisfaction, we play for God, we give every moment of every song to God, and we pray that he will use us to share his love with others, we play to save.
some weeks later we recieved news that we had made it to the nex stage, To perform at the Hackney Empire, in fromt of three judges, Dizzee Rascal, Jamie Cullam, and some bird. We left Nottingham at 2.30 in the morning, having to be at the empire for 7.30. The drive Down was awesome, a great laugh, and then with a couple of train and a tube ride later we were stod outside a massive venue, nervouse and excited!. we couldn't wait to get in! after a wait around we were asked to sound check, and wow what a stage it was a massive drum kit, lights and curtains and wires everywhere!, sound check how ever didnt go too well, we couldn't hear each other and it was a bit disheartning, but back in theholding room we had a chance to calm down take it easy and have a few words with the big man upstairs. waiting to be called up. after what seemed like ages we werecalled up and taken on the walk of shame, in a maze of corridors and rooms, we went backstage, readyto go and rock for God.
We were sent onstage, and played our hearts out, and well done to Josh for scaring the bejesus out of dizzee rascal, after the song we were asked to face the judges, where they would tell us if they likes us and if we made it to the next stage. which we didn't. sadly. Dizzee asked Josh the message of the song, 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship' to which Josh replied, 'sometimes people place their hope in worldly things, but we blieve if you place your heart and hope in Gods hands, he will never let you down' to whichabout 15 people through out the crowd stood and applauded. wich for me mde it woth while, yea we didn't make it but some people saw God in us and supported us! it was an immense moment!
We made the center pages of the Sun newpaper the other week, 'a Christian band scare the bejesus out of Dizzee Rascal, and the following day we were shown on the show. it did't look to well, but i was still proud to have got that far, with three great guys, and eversince we have recieved so much loveand encouragement from random people, I'v even been spotted on the street. its amazing and I'm so thankfull to God for giving me this opertunity!
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