Textbook church

My church has just taken part in the National Church Development (NCD) survey, and I have just been looking through the results, and if I'm honest it scares me.

The survey is set up so that all members of the church fill in a questionnaire answering a range of questions about how well you feel the church does in different aspects of church life, from reaching out to the community to praying for each other to how you feel within your small groups. The survey is completely anonymous, and you have to be completly honest when answering it. I hope others were as honest as I was. All the questionnaires get sorted and the results get totted up, and the results are given. I think it works on an average score so all the scores totaled then divided by the number of returned questionnaires.

Reading the results was interesting, it shows how people at your church feel, and what people think the church's strengths and weaknesses are. But its only an average. All the scores are shown on graphs and charts, this is what scares me. How can you represent a church in numbers and figures?  Church isn't a business! Fair enough that it will help highlight areas of our church that need looking at and working with. But if we are helping one person with someting we do surely thats better than helping no-one at all?

Within such a small church averages won't work. If someone isn't happy with something or down scores something on the questionnaire will it make a difference within an average? I just hope that these results don't get to people or upset anyone, and don't get me wrong I'm not having a go at anyone for this, I just hate seeing a church in numbers and figures, would God really want to see this? Using time and effort to asses the churchs pros and cons rather than getting out there and doing his will, helping the needy, lets stop reviewing and nitpicking church, lets get out there and show the world Gods love.

Our God.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God

I, Will Follow!

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow

God's Call

sooo, It's been a while. Alot has changed in my life since i last wrote on here. I have a new Job, at Tile Giant, I now know every thing anyone would want to know about wall and floor tiles. I have a little bit of money, I can finaly do things in life thatI enjoy. (maily going to KFC). but the biggest development is that Abi and I have started going back to the salvo at Aspley, its soo good to be back and thepeople there are amazing, its like i never left. Abi loves it too which is great for us, we both worship together and enjoy it.

I went for soo long without gonig to church. And I really missed it, its one of those things that you either take for granted or you don't know what you have until its gone. I felt like there was a part of me missing for a long while when i wasn't at church, I knew God wasn't happy with me for not going, for my reasons for not goig were proberbally silly, but to me, they were good reasons.

I knew God was calling me back to church, but I ignored him, made up reasons in my head of why not to go, too busy, too lazy. But if I was honest, I was just too scared, I didn't know what the people, my friends would think of me, being away for soo long then just walking back in. But the longer I left it the harder it felt to go back. It wasn't till God was being releantles with His Calls that I bit the bullet and ventured back to the Army and its been great my life seems one step closer to being whole again!

It's Been A While

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since I could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since I could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been a while
since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

Its been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
and it's been awhile
since I said I'm sorry
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
I know it's me I cannot blame this on my father
he did the best he could for me

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since I said I'm sorry

Yeah, I'll miss you when I'm gone
I'll sing you a sad song tonight
And I'll miss you when I'm gone
I'll sing you a sad song

One more chance to get this right
One more chance to get it right
One more chance to get this right
But you'll never get it right

I know you'll never get it right
You only take this so far
Then leave it all behind
So tonight I'm making up my mind
You know you make this so hard to leave it all behind

Step up to the plate to play the game
Save yourself and quit to play it safe

If Jesus is God, Was He perfect?

Can God feel pain?, If we sin does he hurt?

I spent this morning with a couple of people from church, looking at what it means to be a soldier within he Salvation Army. Looking at the Articals of war, Which You sing on becoming a Sinoior Soldier within the Salvo, I supose its like a Mission Statement, It lays out what we believe and how we should live our lives as a desciple of God in the Salvo. I signed the Articals of war 2 days after my 18th birthday. A great deal has changed in my life since then, So it was good to go through the 'AoW' and relate it to my lie now. Most of it sat very comfortably with me as they are values and ideals that I still Try to live by.

There was one Artical that did play with me slightly and got me thinking....

'We Believe That In The Person Of Jesus Christ The Devine And Human Natures Are United, So That He Is Truely And Properly God And Truely And Properly Man'

so, Jesus, is God! God is human! God is perfect, a perfect being. but being human must have meant that he felt pain? Emotion?

Jesus was a carpenter, and as someone pointed out this morning, all Carpenters have hit thier thumb with a hammer, and trust me, we have, and it hurts! ALOT! so did Jesus hit his thumb with a hammer? did he feel the pain? Did he feel the pain on the cross as he wept? Did he get head aches? did he become ill?

I'm loving the paths of though that I'm going along at the mo, Did My God feel my pain? The emotions that I've felt? the joy that I've shared. The more i think about it and talk about it the more I realise My God Is Human!

Fog.

Last night, Me and Abi decided to go for a drive, it was about 9.30 and we were really bored so we wrapped up warm and jumped in to Larry monster, (my car), and headed out, we didn't know where to go so we were makig random decisions on directions at junctions and roundabouts, I love driving, I love the sense of freedon you get whilst driving, and feeling the attmosphere of the area you are driving through.

About 20 minutes in to the journey, haven driven hrough some complette random towns and villages we ended up at a junction with a firmilular pub, even though we felt lost and had tried to get lost we ened up somewhere we knew, so on our mission to find random place we headed up the rad in a direction that none of us had ever been. We started heading up hill, in the Derbyshire Dales, it started to get a little misty, but we eventually realized we didn't know where we were, it was just Me, Abi, Larry monster and our tunes, chugging along.

The higher we headed the thicker the mist got, until it was that thick, I couldn't see 2 cats eys infront of me, it was unreal. There seemed to be no cars comming the other way. It was an odd feeling of lonliness. Driving became a real test of my driving skill, I was ecited by not knowing what was in front of me, but at the same time scared of what could be just in front of me.

It got me thinking, that in life sometimes our paths become covered in fog, and we can't seem to see whats just in from of us, and we may stray from Gods path, take the wrong turn or stop in our stride, but if we just have faith in Him, He will guide us through the thickest of fog. and bring us out on the otherside. Whatever our Fog is or no matter how thick it is, God can and will get you through it.

Image

Why do we care about our image? We seem so worked up on how we look, how we act, what we believe. We pick our own styles, in the hope that the style portrates our life. But why?

I know personaly that I often let how I want to look influence me in life, I hide behind different styles, how I feel, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I don't just care about how I look, I also care about how I look as a christian, It's easy to say 'yeah I'm christian' but its harder to say it and mean it, Do I live like God wanted me to? no, far from it, I do try but I am a sinner. I don't want to be a fashion christian, following god to look good, I want to folow hm because I want to! I love Him! It beats me up when I meet other christians, who put on a faulse front, who try and make out that living for God is really easy and that their life is perfect because of God. Life is'nt easy but because they care about how they are viewed they use the perfect life to hide it asthough it makes them better christian. No chistian is betterthan another! God loves us equally! Don't let your image come between you and God, or betweenyou and you friends!

Wait and see

It's not fair

to find you here,

waiting for me

I don't care

That I care

way too much

Wait and see

that you are inside of

The places that you knew you loved

The only time you'll ever trust

You are done,

It's all been done!

Don't let my past bring you down.

Sometimes we let our past haunt us, wrong decisions that come back and bite us on the arse, lies that cause trouble later on, come on, we have all lied at some point or another, and then get caught out. Silly things that cause hurt, upset and anger. I would be the first to admit that I wish I had donethings differently. I wish I took different steps in life, I often wonder what would have happened if....

But in reality we can't go back, we can't change things. We can rectify them, work out our mistakes. Start anew, but even if we had a new start, how long would it be till we wanted to start anew again? I guess I'm saying, no matter how many fresh start at e we get, we would always want another.

I really wanted to start this year different, Changing my attitudes, Helping more where I can, being the person God wants me to be, not the person I want to be! I've tried to be different but I often set my self back, doing something I'm not prod aout, saying something wrong or acting childish.

It's taken me a while, well most of mylie to realise myactions don't just effect me, they effect the people around me, my family, my friends, and my girlfriend. I often get asked by people abou my past, things like how did you do at school?, or what relationships have you been in and what happened to them? I find it hard to answer some questions, because they remind me of the things I'mnot so proud about, I didn't dotoo well in school, I didn't work, I messed about, I caused trouble, my past relationships are difficult to talk about to, I feel foolish and nieve, but no matter what I cant change what has hapened in my past, as much as I would like to, I can't.

I don't what my past to haunt me anymore, I do't want it to effect me, or the people around me, and I don't want it to effect the person I love, I don't want people dwelling on it, I want a new start! and ant the people around me to share in my new start, lead me, throw me, take me through this show me I am a different person! I really want this tobemy last new start, I know I can make this work.

New Start

Wow, its been a long time since I last blogged.

Well, it's a new year, and I want to start this new year with a new start. last year was a massive roller coaster, (please forgive me for the cheese). I lost my van, I found Abi, I lost work, I had a great holiday, I lost money, I brought Larry monster, Great things happened with the band, I made some awesome friens for life. even thought alot of great things happened, I still got dragged down by the crap, I strugled to make ends meet and pay my bils, my finances took a battering, and I'm still trying to get my head abouve the water now.

So, with this New start, I want to prepare myself for the future, I want to start saving for plans I have, I'm 22 nearly 23, and I want My own house, spread my wings. but I need to control myself, stop wasting my money and time on silly piontless things.
also, I want to change my Attitude, I can get Angry really fast, When I drive I can get wound up easily! It effects my driving, I drive arrogantly, I Speed,i shout at people!, but for the last two weeks I've been carefull not to let things wnd me up, I consentrate, and I'mloving driving again.

i just hope I can keep up wih these, and who knows maybe by 2012, I might have a house, or i could be driving for Red bull in F1!