well, today has been a pretty pants day, i got up for work, got ready and then i got a phone call to tell me to not bother going to work because it was too dangerous. . so i headed back to bed, only to wake up at gone 11. so annoyed with myself. so i did the usual scope of Facebook and sorted a few things out and then i just sat there listening to whatever ever tune-age was pumping form my computer. I must have sat there for about an hour just lost in my own thoughts. now i have been through a great deal in these last few months, some things i can't bare tomention but others are life changing, and as i sat there staring out my window, the music took me back two or three years and got me thinking, about how happy i was back then, i thought i had everything i could ever need. a good job, money, a social life and a girlfriend. i lived everyday for me! and i had some really goodtimes. but then about 4 months ago, i broke up with my girlfriend and hit a brick wall, everything fell apart around me and id hit rock bottom. so whilst in this train of thought, i started to think like 'what if this had happened?' or 'what if i had done this?' and it started to bring me down.
and the more i thought about it the angrier i got. In the end i stopped the music stood up and literally screamed! i feel sorry for the neighbors!. Then it hit me, back then i was living for myself, and not for god! and then i felt i had betrayed god in some way. so i sat there a little longer, and drifted off in my thoughts again! but this time i was thinking about the last few weeks, and how id let god back into my life, and it took some getting used to at first, and i did ignore him a few times thing it would pass, but God being God he made sure that i couldn't ignore him for long.
He left subtle but sharp messages all over, and i knew something had to change and i knew that, 'something' was me.
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