All hands on deck

Awake, I am awake,
and I'm still alive out here,
awake, I am awake
and I'm still alive out here,
blinded, by this light,
it is all that surrounds me.

Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come,
showing teeth, bearing fever, lost in open water,
until they find, finds us all, lost with all the shipwreck.

Deep water, I can smell the blood,
how long, how long before they come.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control. Am I too far gone to be saved,
lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone to be saved.
Lost in the water all alone, am I too far gone, too far gone to be saved.

Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again,
we lost control.
Waves crashed upon the shore, and time and time again, we lost control,
and I lost control.

It's been a while.

I Don't know where this is going to go, or what im really going to say, its been weeks since I,v written a blog, I guess I've been too busy, and pre-occupied, but not only have I been to busy to blog, but I've been to busy to talk to God and take notice of Him, and His work around me. God is AMAZING, but I often, well always (If I'm Honest) take Him for granted! I wish I had a God APP on my phone, then I could spend as much time as possible with Him.

At the Mo, I'm feeling like crap, and I have done for about a week, I get these killer head aches, sore throat, and fevers. People keep telling me i need to Slow down and start looking after myself, I'm always doing something, either working or running round for other people, I like helping people, If I can help, then I will, I can't just stand and watch people struggle, and everyone gets on my case about how i push myself too far, Is this ill health me deteriorating, God telling me to stop?.

as most of you know, I play in a band called Early to the vineyard, I love to play with the guys, they are a great bunch of people who are always there to help me or pray with me and generally look out for me. these guys mean so much to me, we've been together for just under a year, and what a year its been. we've had loads of ups and a few downs, but its been great, and i guess I just want to thank God for these Guys and for everything he's doing through us.

mono

If time can break us down
And not keep us around
I wont wait
I wont mind
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk hole
And now we're not the same
I'm running past the words
To finish up the faults
Cant come back
I wont wait
Wont live like that
Not this time
I've started up the clocks
It's time I left behind
And everything we've lost, disappears
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
I've started up the race
It's something I cant change
I'm calling, I'm calling out
For answers on the long walk home
And now we're not the same
I'll find myself once more again
I've started up this race
I'll find myself once more again
It's something I cant change
And now we're not the same
I cant help by myself again

It must be the music?

Why do I seem to look for God in the wrong places?. I push him to the side when I feel I don't need him, when in reality I need him all the time. When things are looking up I get carried away, get too caught up in my own little world, a world where I dont need to count on him, But who am I kidding?, of course I need him, Things only go right, when he has his hand in them. I'm ashamed of my self, I really am. I can't remember the last time I sat down and prayed, or even said thank you to Him for the amazing things that are happening.

As many of you know I'm in a band, and in the last few weeks we havehad some amazing oppertunities thrown our way, we were able to enter a talent contest on sky 1, called 'must be the music'. It was a great opertunity for us, especialy as we only started the band last december. We were Invited to Audition in Manchester, so we packed our gear and headed to manchester in mike's 'Bat-mobile', it was a great day, we played one of our songs called 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship'. and we performed really well, well enough to be invited to a further interview,to talk about ourselves and the band.

The interview was great, We were able to talk about the band and our roots and our faith and how we put all these together, to write songs, play songs, and perform together. We were interegated about our faith and questioned about how we relflect God within the band, as a member of early to the vineyard, we don't play for our own satisfaction, we play for God, we give every moment of every song to God, and we pray that he will use us to share his love with others, we play to save.

some weeks later we recieved news that we had made it to the nex stage, To perform at the Hackney Empire, in fromt of three judges, Dizzee Rascal, Jamie Cullam, and some bird. We left Nottingham at 2.30 in the morning, having to be at the empire for 7.30. The drive Down was awesome, a great laugh, and then with a couple of train and a tube ride later we were stod outside a massive venue, nervouse and excited!. we couldn't wait to get in! after a wait around we were asked to sound check, and wow what a stage it was a massive drum kit, lights and curtains and wires everywhere!, sound check how ever didnt go too well, we couldn't hear each other and it was a bit disheartning, but back in theholding room we had a chance to calm down take it easy and have a few words with the big man upstairs. waiting to be called up. after what seemed like ages we werecalled up and taken on the walk of shame, in a maze of corridors and rooms, we went backstage, readyto go and rock for God.

We were sent onstage, and played our hearts out, and well done to Josh for scaring the bejesus out of dizzee rascal, after the song we were asked to face the judges, where they would tell us if they likes us and if we made it to the next stage. which we didn't. sadly. Dizzee asked Josh the message of the song, 'i placed my heart in a sinking ship' to which Josh replied, 'sometimes people place their hope in worldly things, but we blieve if you place your heart and hope in Gods hands, he will never let you down' to whichabout 15 people through out the crowd stood and applauded. wich for me mde it woth while, yea we didn't make it but some people saw God in us and supported us! it was an immense moment!

We made the center pages of the Sun newpaper the other week, 'a Christian band scare the bejesus out of Dizzee Rascal, and the following day we were shown on the show. it did't look to well, but i was still proud to have got that far, with three great guys, and eversince we have recieved so much loveand encouragement from random people, I'v even been spotted on the street. its amazing and I'm so thankfull to God for giving me this opertunity!

Still searching.

I'm still searching, hunting, looking, wanting, craving for God, where is he?

How did it come to this?

I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been really busy and distracted, I'm not sure where to start this one, or where it's going to head. I guess I'm pretty happy, life seems to be serving me well at the mo, doors are opening, and I'm making steps forward in life. But for some reason, I feel incomplete, lost, missing. I can't place my hand on what it is, I know I've mentioned this before but I'm feeling distant from God, he seems like a ghostly figure in my head. how can i close this gap?

just lately the only time I feel close to God is when I'm playing drums in the band, great things are happening with us, we seem to have all these opportunities coming up, the chance to play to different people, and I can't thank God more for doing this, we Know that as a band without him, none of this would be happening, not off our own backs. I want to praise the lord through my drumming, thank him for the skill he has given me! being in the band enviroment is great, we can talk openly about our life, our spiritual life and anything, we pray for each other and when were together we seem to be able to create such a close environment, that draws you to God, but as soon as band practice has finished that's it. No matter how much I try, I can't draw myself to God.

I know I have to have patience when it comes to this, but I seem to be wearing myself a bit thin. I beat myself up over it, I've dug myself a big hole and can't find a way out. I just can't figure out how it came to this.

In The Middle

I meant it all and every part
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
'Cause you know you broke the hardest part
You know you broke the hardest heart
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all

Fifteen years old in a sea of blank faces
Swimming bold against a stream that's mocking as it races
In these halls, mountain high under a tangerine sky
Crack a smile just to hide the race that's inside
Eighteen years old bags packed and a pass for the rail
One last look at the past as it drowns in the hail
One in a million, still I keep feeling you keep me from a fall
A world to lose coming back with you tall
Through it all


No parachutes or safety nets here
One foot in the water to face these fears
Coming out strong like I can't be wrong
I said eh, I won't fall in the middle

Twenty five here I am with freshman LPs
One life to write one, two years to repeat
Behind a curtain, uncertain if an encore's in store
Tuck my shoulder like a soldier to knock down the door
Thirty something here I am running with kisses for one girl
These scars upon my sleeve still casting out my pearls
Throw each stone microphone like it's my last turn
With a kiss to the abyss and watch the ripples return
Through it all


And I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you by my side
And I said I'm gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright
With you through this fight
Through it all


I meant it all and every part
And every word right from the start
I'll never let this love fall in the middle
Through it all